GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics
NAWT THA SAAAME WITH-OWT SOYYYMON
Following the shock departure of National’s finance spokesperson Simon Bridges, a party insider has revealed that there is internal pressure on Nicola Willis to not only take on Simon’s finance portfolio, but also his distinctly unique New Zealand accent.
The anonymous insider said that there was a feeling that while Simon Bridges’ accent was like a continuous punishment to the average kiwi ear hole, it got people talking about the party.
“No such thing as bad press!”, said the shadowy anonymous figure cloaked in darkness.
“The general feeling around the party is that Luxon shouldn’t be the one to take up Simon’s accent, because that gets a bit too much to bear since he does a lot of talking as party leader.
“But if Nicola could start drawling out her words like a slack-jawed donkey then that would be quite good for the TV every once in a while”.
The insider, who is assumably a cowardly lower-party snake who will stab as many backs as needed for their own personal gain, was optimistic about the party’s election hopes.
“Yeah look as usual Labour’s blown all of New Zealand’s cash so once again National will have to step in and clean things up. Odds-on favourites Chris Luxon and Nuckulla Wullus!”
More to come.
Want to keep up with more of the news that’s important? Instagram works well for that! Check out the Whakataki Times on Insta.
