GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Sport
NOT LIKE THE OLD DAYS
25 year old Mikey Kirk didn’t think that he was going to be getting an education today, but he did anyway.
The young man who was at a loose end on his Saturday naturally gravitated to his local watering hole, The Tote, near Trentham station in Upper Hutt. He had just enough cash on him for a beer and a punt on the ponies.
After selecting a horse and waiting patiently for his race to start, an ad for the upcoming All Blacks match came on the big screen. While totally minding his own business, a leathery old bugger who looked like a regular, creaked over him to strike up an unsolicited conversation.
“I can hardly stand watching the All Blacks anymore, God! So bloody soft,” he exclaimed without any provocation.
After Kirk smiled politely, the man continued. “Don’t get me started! This lot put more effort into their hair than they do into playing the game! I used to get punched, kicked, stomped on every Saturday, but you didn’t complain. No one complained,” he said, re-living the glory days.
“Oh yeah I know, not the same is it?” said young Mr Kirk, aiming to humour the old boy but hopefully not to egg him on any further.
“And don’t get me started on the bloody mamby pamby ‘H.I.A’s,” he said, making quotes in the air with his fingers. “What a bunch of woke nonsense. When I was playing, you got smacked in the head and you carried on. Never did me any harm,” he said while stumbling slightly and spilling his beer.
“No wonder the country’s gone to the bloody dogs if this is what kids have to look up to now. So bloody soft.”
Before Kirk could give a counter-argument about the seriousness of head injuries, the old mate had wandered off to start harmlessly abusing another elderly gentleman who had just walked in.
“Well, well who the farrk let you in?” he said loudly.
Kirk meanwhile quietly let himself out, after first finishing his beer and watching his horse fade backwards to a well-deserved fourth.
More to come.