One Eyed Cantab Arrives Two Weeks Early To Crusaders Victory Parade

One eyed cantab on folding chair near Christchurch tram.



Craig Chamberlain, the “one-eyed Cantab” from the Christchurch suburb of Shirley, was unable to contain his anticipation today.

The 56 year-old arrived in the city’s CBD eagerly awaiting his beloved Crusaders to come past on the tram with the captain holding the Super Rugby trophy. This was despite the fact that the Crusaders had not won the trophy yet, and had not even had the opportunity to play their semifinal. 

Determined to secure the best viewing spot for the 2023 champions, Chamberlain  set up camp a whole two weeks early, meaning he will actually miss the Crusaders’ semifinal against the Blues this weekend.

“Ah well, it’s all being recorded in my Sky Decoder, don’t you worry about that,” said the old boy who’s got it all figured out.  

“A front row seat is an absolute must to celebrate the continued success of this great franchise, seven in a row, you’d be stupid to miss it. Plus it’s the last time we’ll see Razor holding the trophy before he takes over the All Blacks,” said Chamberlain, oblivious to the puzzled looks from people passing by.

Despite turning up in the middle of the CBD, which was of course devoid of anybody celebrating a victory that was yet to happen, Chamberlain was undeterred.

“I just had an ill informed person come up to me and tell me that the victory parade would only take place if the Crusaders actually won the championship. I said to them, “You might as well park up next to me now because it’s a matter of when, not if. Seven straight titles is no accident” Chamberlain said with authority, while waving his flag and holding up a picture of the Crusaders celebrating.

As our reporters left Chamberlain to continue his celebrations, you could sense his excitement every time the tram travelled past, even though the Crusaders weren’t on board, and likely wouldn’t be for another two weeks, if at all.

More to come. 

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