One Eyed Cantab Has Last Remaining Eye Removed So He Can’t See Crusaders Anymore

one eyed cantab in hospital



Diehard Crusaders fan, Craig Chamberlain, from Christchurch, has taken drastic measures to shield himself from the agony of witnessing his beloved team’s defeats on the rugby field.

Following yet another crushing loss, this time at the hands of the Waratahs in a nail-biting 43-40 thriller, Chamberlain decided he’d seen enough – quite literally.

The 56 year-old from Shirely found himself unable to bear witness to the relentless string of losses anymore, so he opted to have his last remaining eye surgically removed, ensuring he could no longer watch the Crusaders lose anymore.

Chamberlain spoke to our reporters from his hospital bed.

“I just can’t bear to see a scoreline where the Crusaders have somehow ended up on the losing side of it. I also keep looking at the table and continue to see them nowhere near the top – it’s been burning my functioning eye all season as it is!” remarked Chamberlain, sporting a freshly bandaged eye socket. 

 “No amount of agony is worth enduring if it means sparing myself from watching the Crusaders lose. I don’t want to witness this team hitting rock bottom!”

Dr. Smith, the surgeon who performed the procedure, admitted it was a first in his career.

“I’ve seen patients opt for extreme measures to escape physical pain or terminal illness, but never to avoid the emotional pain caused by an underperforming rugby team,” Dr. Smith said, shaking his head in disbelief.

“But hey, who am I to judge? If removing an eye gives this man some semblance of peace, then who are we to stand in his way?”

More to come. 

Big fan of the Whakataki? Head over to the support page and become a Whakataki backer. You can also follow us on Insta.

Enjoying the Whakataki Times and want to say thanks? Now you can! Use the form below to make a financial contribution to the team’s operating costs. 

How much do you reckon?

Up to you how much