Pie And Can Of V Found To Be Most Nutritionally Optimal Breakfast For Tradies



A new study from the NZ Nutrition Foundation has reluctantly discovered that the traditional healthy breakfast of cereals, grains and fruit is not the killer combo we all thought it was. 

It found that a pie and a can of V energy drink contained the perfect balance of protein, fat, carbohydrate and caffeine that’s needed in the morning, particularly for people with physical jobs that involve fixing and building things. 

Lauren Gable, a seasoned dietitian from the Nutrition Foundation, was suitably surprised, disgusted and appalled by the findings. “This goes against everything we thought we knew about nutrition and I can barely believe it,” she said. 

“Apparently tradies, in particular the ones who do all the work on a given job site, are able to stay perfectly healthy, fit and strong by having this breakfast each day on their way to work.

“I personally haven’t had a pie in 20 years, and I’ve never once had an energy drink. But if this is what the science says then I suppose I have to go with it,” she sighed as she slunk back in her chair, defeated. 

Dylan Rigby, a strong and trim specimen in his late teens, stopped as he was coming out of a Wellington dairy to explain his food of choice. “On my way to a job in town, just labouring but building my skills up. Went with the mince and cheese, plus a standard V. Sometimes get the blue V or just a strawberry Up and Go. Fuel in the tank!” he said as pastry crumbled down onto his hi-vis. 

“You don’t need science to know that this is a good brekkie if you’re out getting shit done,” he said, firing a subtle shot at the ‘laptop class’. 

“Energy in, energy out”.

More to come.

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