ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National
DANCING WITH THE STARS
ACT Party leader David Seymour has reportedly found himself fantasising about being stuck in the international space station today.
Seymour admitted that watching the recent rescue of two astronauts who had been stranded on the International Space Station for nine months made him “a little jealous.”
“Honestly, a broken toilet in zero gravity sounds more manageable than fielding another round of questions about the quality of a handful of free school lunches going slightly wrong,” sighed Seymour, staring wistfully at a NASA livestream, wishing he was not on planet earth..
The ACT leader has been under increasing pressure after the Government’s school lunch programme has recently spiralled into full-blown chaos, especially this week after Libelle, the main food manufacturer tasked with providing over 125,000 lunches per day, went into liquidation.
“Look, like some school lunches, space missions don’t always stick to schedule either. You don’t hear astronauts complaining when they’re stuck in space for nine months, they just get on with it.”
Visibly worn down, Seymour admitted the daily media barrage has him looking for escape routes—ideally ones that involve rocket fuel and exiting earth’s atmosphere..
“Every morning it’s the same—‘David, what about the kids?’ ‘David, why no protein?’ Honestly, I’d take my chances with space debris at this point,” he said. “Out there, no one hear you scream, but also no one can hear you getting grilled by the NZ media!”
NASA has not yet commented on whether they have room for Seymour on their space station at the time of publishing.
More to come.
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