SHOCKING REVELATION: Leaked Report Shows Wellington Water Shortage Due To All The Leaky Pipes

man and woman looking at report with flooded street in background



A leaked document has revealed that the real culprit behind Wellington’s water woes is its poorly maintained and leaking pipes.

Wellington residents have been repeatedly told to limit water usage over the last few weeks, as the capital deals with a water shortage, meaning  residential sprinklers and irrigation are banned but people can still water their gardens by hand with a hose. 

The leaked report points the finger at dilapidated infrastructure and surprisingly did not blame climate change, environmental factors, or even a malevolent water-stealing conspiracy. However Wellington Council’s cycle lanes have been identified as partly responsible for distracting from the focus on water. 

On the streets of Wellington, our reporters interviewed perplexed citizens trying to make sense of their city’s aquatic conundrum.

“I get Wellington is going for that heritage type look and feel, but what we’ve got is more like third world art deco. We are being told to save water, when the Council is letting the pipes leak into the street and down the drain,” said Geoff, 65.

“Saving water is important, I get that. But telling us to cut back while we’ve got rivers flowing down some of the streets is just absurd. Can we please fix the real problem here?” asked Sarah, 31, another frustrated Wellington resident.

The Wellington City Council is now urging residents to embrace a water-saving lifestyle, not by fixing the pipes, of course, but by obtaining their own emergency water like some sort of post-apocalyptic cosplay.

More to come. 

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