GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Sport
THE SUPERBOWL OF SPORTS
Harmless office troublemaker Ruby Galbraith successfully ruffled her colleagues’ feathers at the Ministry of Business Innovation and Enterprise this morning.
During a long-serving employee’s leaving morning tea, the 30 year old targeted rugby fans Sam Ellison and Josh Orr, with a pre-planned snipe at the sport they loved. “You guys watching the Super Sportsball Final tomorrow? Should be a good game, it’s like the superbowl of sports!”
The unprovoked attack landed well, as Ellison and Orr simultaneously groaned under their breath, while their eyeballs scanned the ceiling. “Ahh, yep nice one Ruby,” said Sam, trying to not be too irritated by the total lack of respect for the sport that is a key part of our nation’s history. “You’ll be rooting for the Crusaders won’t you?”
The pink-haired freedom-fighter bristled at the suggestion, knowing that her echo-chamber of social media acquaintances require her to hate the Crusaders, simply because they’re called the Crusaders.
“The Crusaders? Urrgh I can’t believe they still haven’t changed their name. Do better,” she said in trademark style, not realising that this was a real-life conversation and not one of her tweets.
“Ha yeah they should change their name ay,” laughed Orr. “That would make a huuuge difference and solve everything.”
Undeterred by her colleague’s dismissal, the tattoo-covered menace took a new angle as she began to make her exit. “I don’t know why people even care that so-and-so didn’t get picked for the All Blacks or whatever. They’re all just a bunch of privileged, overpaid, cis-MEN who get to play a children’s game for a living, and have never done an actual day’s work in their lives!”
With that final drone-strike on the country’s much loved national game, Ms. Galbraith stormed off, head down in her phone, no doubt tweeting the news of her latest victory.
More to come.