Smug TVNZ Management Happily Makes Zero Dollars And Doesn’t Go Out Of Business

anonymous executive woman in front of TVNZ building, with newshub headline



TVNZ management arrived at their Auckland based headquarters with smiles on their faces today.

They weren’t smiling at the demise of TV3’s Newshub – they were smiling because they knew they could continue making no profit and still remain a viable business. 

One of the unique aspects of TVNZ’s financial strategy is the flexibility to decide when, or if, they contribute to the Government’s coffers through dividends.

Newshub will close in June as Warner Bros. Discovery, its parent company, initiates a restructuring plan, which will cost 300 people their jobs. Being privately owned, TV3 is always under pressure to return a profit to their shareholders, unlike TVNZ.

One would think that in the cutthroat world of media, financial success would be a top priority, but not for the avant-garde minds leading TVNZ.

“Who needs profits when you have the chance to spend endless amounts of money on culturally rich content that benefits everyone in Aotearoa?

“It’s our duty to create content that everyone loves and values, that also educates us all to adopt the moral values we’ve decided on,” said an anonymous executive. 

“It would be morally wrong to measure our value based on something as evil as profits. We’re fighting the good fight against evil capitalism”. 

Head of News and Current Affairs at TVNZ, Bill Sullivan, exuded a similar smugness when asked about the company’s financial approach.

“Dividends? That’s such old world thinking. Get with the times and educate yourself.”

More to come. 

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