EDITORIAL STANDARDS: Stuff Now Requiring Every Article To Include At Least One C-Bomb
EARNING BACK TRUST.
New Zealand’s General Manager Says Social Media Ban Will Deliver Outcomes For Key Stakeholders
STRATEGIC PLAN.
Prime Minister Becomes Instantly More Likeable And Relatable After Picking Up Cricket Bat
MAN ON THE STREET.
Luxon Eases Pain Of Poor Poll Result By Binging On Chip And Marmite Sandwiches
CRUNCHING THE NUMBERS.
Prime Minister Christopher Luxon was spotted sitting alone outside of Parliament’s Beehive today.
“I Prefer Marmite Over Vegemite”: One Issue The Prime Minister Isn’t On The Fence About
STRONG STANCE.
In a rare moment of decisiveness, Prime Minister Christopher Luxon has put a stake in the ground over a hotly debated issue: Marmite vs Vegemite.
School Principals Slam Prime Minister For Suggesting Parents Make Marmite Sandwiches And Not Vegemite Ones
OUT OF TOUCH.
Teachers and principals took a break from sending photos of squashed school lunches to Stuff today, instead turning their attention to Prime Minister Christopher Luxon.
Luxon Hopeful His Fresh New Volodymyr Zelenskyy Tattoo Will Impress New Zealand Voters
ISSUES THAT MATTER.
Prime Minister Christopher Luxon is quietly confident that he’s finally tapped into what matters most for New Zealand voters – Ukraine.
Confused Checkout Operator Spends Three Minutes Asking Luxon If He’d Like His Receipt Or Not
YES OR NO.
Chloe Jamieson, a 21 year old checkout operator at New World Botany, was left physically and emotionally drained this morning, after what should have been a very brief interaction with Prime Minister Christopher Luxon.
Parliamentary Service Lad Remains Tight-Lipped About Which MPs Are Dickheads In Real Life
NOT WHO YOU’D EXPECT.
25-year-old James* (who, for reasons of his own, only goes by “James”) works as an advisor in our nation’s parliament. James recently shared with friends that he’s spent the last two years accumulating top-secret intel on the MPs he works with.
Chris Luxon Pressing Pharmac To Fund Treatment For Tall Poppy Syndrome
NO KNOWN CURE.
Prime Minister Christopher Luxon has a tall order for New Zealand’s Crown subsidiser of pharmaceutical products this week.