Seymour Wishing He Was Stuck In Space Station So He Wouldn’t Have To Deal With School Lunches
DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Parliamentary Service Lad Remains Tight-Lipped About Which MPs Are Dickheads In Real Life
NOT WHO YOU’D EXPECT.
25-year-old James* (who, for reasons of his own, only goes by “James”) works as an advisor in our nation’s parliament. James recently shared with friends that he’s spent the last two years accumulating top-secret intel on the MPs he works with.
CAR POOL CONUNDRUM: Seymour Arrives To Pick Up Chippy For Work In The Land Rover
“UNSUITABLE BEHAVIOUR!”
Chris “Chippy” Hipkins’ blood pressure reached new heights this morning. That’s because his parliament carpool buddy David Seymour arrived at his house in the same old land rover he’d tried to drive up the parliament steps earlier this week.
Women Of Wellington Devastated To Find Out David Seymour Is Off The Market
HEARTBREAK KID.
The progressive-minded women of Wellington were blindsided this morning with the news that ACT party leader David Seymour has had a secret girlfriend for the last two years.
REINVIGORATING THE CAPITAL: Wellington Mayor Secretly Hoped Hikoi Would Turn Into Three Week Stay
ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY GUTTED.
Wellington Mayor Tory Whanau is reportedly heartbroken after the hikoi that swept through the capital this week wrapped up in a single day.
BIG TURNOUT: Executives At TVNZ Consulting David Seymour On How To Attract An Audience
VIEWERS ON DEMAND.
TVNZ executives have reportedly turned to the unlikeliest of consultants to help with their ratings woes – ACT Party leader David Seymour.
Seymour Set To Revitalise Wellington Hospo Industry By Attracting 30,000 Visitors To The Capital
FULL STEAM AHEAD!
ACT leader David Seymour is being cheered by Wellington cafe and bar owners today, as tomorrow’s hikoi into the city is likely to provide a much needed boost to small businesses.
