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Tag: xmas

Local Dad Rolls Back The Years With Sensational BYC Hat Trick Against His Hapless Children

dad celebrating bowling our his nine year old son

UNSTOPPABLE

Mark Grover’s eyes lit up when he saw six year-old son Jackson walk up to the crease in today’s Boxing Day BYC match.

Chloe Swarbrick Weeps As Eco-Stocking Composts Before Her Very Eyes

Chloe Swarbrick with christmas stockings

“NO CHRISTMAS CHEER HERE”

Green Party Co-Leader Chloe Swarbrick was reportedly in tears this morning after learning that her plans for a very green Christmas had turned to compost.

REPORT: No Christmas Toy Will Ever Match the Glory of the Vortex Mega Howler

man on deck with beer thinking about vortex mega howler

“FEEL THE POWER”

Jacob Cooper, a 34-year-old Christchurch man, is adamant that no Christmas gift—past, present, or future—will ever surpass the iconic glory of the Vortex Mega Howler.

Christmas Day Gym Goer Reminds Us We’ll Never Be As Disciplined As Him

man at gym thinking about pavlova

THE GRIND NEVER STOPS.

Chad Blackwell had a point to prove on Christmas Day.

It was yet another day to remind the world that the grind never stops for the 27 year-old from Auckland.

Grown Man Gets Cold Shoulder From Mum After Failing to Adequately Wrap Gifts

man looking dejected as disappointed mum looks at poorly wrapped gifts.

“IT’S ALL GOT TO BE RE-DONE”

It’ll be a silent night indeed for Joseph Christensen, who is facing the cold shoulder from his mum for failing to meet her exacting standards of gift wrapping.

Local Woman’s Out Of Office Auto Reply Beginning To Read More Like A Travel Itinerary

woman in office with out of office on thinking about airplaine

“HI THERE”

When 26-year-old Loren Ashley set up her out-of-office auto-reply last Friday, she didn’t just inform her colleagues she’d be away — she unwittingly provided them with a detailed travel log of her Christmas plans.

Local Mum Really Leaning On The “Santa Won’t Come” Threat To Round Off The Year

stressed mum in store with kids, thinking about santa

DESPERATE TIMES.

40 year old Katie Herbert, mother to boys Jack, 6, and Elliot, 8, is already at the end of her tether this holiday season.

Local Lesbian Braces For  Annual “When Are You Having Kids” Interrogation at Family Christmas

Young lady with tattoos

TOUCHY SUBJECT.

There is only one thing on Kassie Clarke’s mind this holiday season.

That’s how to avoid what is unavoidable: the looming annual interrogation from Grandma Mavis and Aunt Janet.

Bloke Loosely Points To “The Silly Season” To Justify Fourth Night At The Pub This Week

man at pub

WHEELS COMING OFF.

Christchurch man Jordan Evans, 31, has fully embraced the chaos of December by clocking up an impressive streak of pub visits.

Local Man Gets Strong Engagement After Expressing Opinion About Whether Die Hard Is A Christmas Movie Or Not

man on laptop with christmas die hard image in background

HOT TOPIC!

Wellington man Ben Mathison, 35, struck a chord this morning when he became passionately involved in the yearly debate over whether the action movie Die Hard is also a Christmas film or not.

DISCLAIMER: NZ satire and NZ comedy have a long tradition. The Whakataki Times is a satirical news meme website, which means the stories and memes are made up for comedic effect.