GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics
INNOVATORS
After ripping one proposed bill in half amid a haka inside Parliament, then burning a second piece of legislation in a bucket on the forecourt, Te Pāti Māori are now searching for new and innovative ways to destroy paper.
The party’s edgy disruptor tactics have become so frequent that they’re running short on classic methods of document disposal. Sources say members have been brainstorming new options like paper shredders, ritual dunkings in the harbour, and confetti cannons filled with torn-up members’ bills.
“We’re all about maximising impact and minimising actual attendance in the House,” said one staffer, describing the party’s new approach to political efficiency. “It’s about being bold, disruptive, and home in time for lunch.”
Co-leader Debbie Ngārewa-Packer defended the party’s flair for drama. “We are dismantling the system,” she explained, referring to both the legislation and the growing pile of shredded paperwork accumulating in their office. “Paper represents bureaucracy. Bureaucracy represents oppression. Ergo, the paper must go.”
Critics, however, say it’s all getting a bit much. “At this rate they’ll need a recycling budget,” said one MP. “Next week they’ll be feeding Select Committee reports through a wood chipper.”
Parliament staff have reportedly grown weary of sweeping up soggy ashes and scattered debris after each performance, and the Speaker Gerry Brownlee has even threatened to do something about it.
With several more government bills scheduled for introduction this month, Te Pāti Māori have hinted that the best is yet to come. “We’ve still got plenty of ideas,” said a grinning Rawiri Waititi.
More to come.
