KASSIE MACKAY | Culture
I AM YOUR WORLD!
Parents, Sammie and Will, love their 2-year-old, Millie, but have become increasingly frustrated by her devious attempts to derail their rare date nights.
The young parents say their prodigious child has single handedly scheduled major medical emergencies and minor natural disasters, all in an effort to prevent them from giving attention to something, or someone, other than her.
An exasperated Sammie explained, “the first time we tried going to the movies, there was an outbreak of gastro that affected all the local movie theatres. We couldn’t believe it.”
But then, Will said, it happened again: “The following week we thought we’d try our luck at the theatre, but the whole place flooded five minutes before doors opened!”
It was on their fifth attempt at date night that the couple started to believe a greater force was at play. According to Sammie, “we knew by the third gastro plague that this was no coincidence. It was obvious Millie had something to do with this.”
Millie, they say, was a miracle baby whose life was the greatest blessing they ever received. They feel only she could be capable of instigating such diverse and devious diversions to derail date night.
Millie agrees.
Speaking to the Whakataki Times via a toddler translator, Millie claims to be “the world leading block stacker and puzzle solver” as well as “the best baby born on earth,” not to mention “this universe’s most beloved human.”
It was a logical next step, she says, to step into “social deviant, ruiner of lives.”
She admits, however, that not all her parents’ cancelled plans were her doing. The second gastro outburst, Millie says, was due to some cross contamination in the movie theatre’s popcorn machine. But she claimed the victory regardless.
“I am literally their world. Their world is nothing without me. If they try to leave me, they mustn’t expect anything good to come of it.”
More to come.
