TOUGH ON CRIME: National Leader Announces Funding For 2000 New Speedo Cops

Leigh Hart as Chris Luxon at leaders debate, with speedo cops in foreground.



National Party Leader Christopher Luxon made a splash at the TVNZ Leaders Debate last night, announcing 2000 new “speedo cops” to crack down on New Zealand’s crime problem. 

While most kiwis are concerned about violent crime and retail theft of small businesses, it is easy to forget about those gateway offences, like graffiti and road cone disruption. “That’s where the speedo cop division can make a real difference”, said Luxon.

The debate, which was enthralling television that will definitely save TVNZ from eventual collapse, skipped over the key funding announcement. 

“People just don’t think about the impact that strong day-to-day policing can have on a country like New Zealand,” said Luxon. 

“I can tell you right now that Labour simply isn’t interested in addressing rampant crime, and likely hasn’t even considered putting more speedo cops on the streets.” 

Constables Scott and Taylor from Speedo Cop Division have said it will be good to get more officers walking the beat in key areas. “People just aren’t thinking about the impact of DVD piracy anymore, but it’s a bigger problem than you might think,” said Constable Scott.

“And you mentioned retail crime. Don’t forget about all the people buying seafood at the supermarket and exceeding their fisheries quota. You wouldn’t believe it”. 

Under a National-Act government, 2000 new speedo cops are promised to be on the beat by the end of 2026.

More to come. 

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