Vocal Critic Of Horoscopes Begins Robotically Performing Pre-Match Rituals Ahead Of World Cup Final

man thinking about all blacks and star signs



33-year-old All Blacks fan Brad Holland has always been a vocal critic of superstitions and horoscopes. However his convictions are now in doubt after he was seen fervently engaging in pre-match rituals ahead of the Rugby World Cup final.

According to flatmates, Holland reportedly “looked as if he was about to step onto the field himself.”

Holland had often ridiculed friends and family for placing any faith in astrology, and his social media profiles were filled with posts debunking horoscopes and other supernatural tales.

Ahead of the ABs’ match against South Africa however, Holland was spotted in his Auckland home early this morning donning an All Blacks jersey and meticulously carrying out a complex routine of squeezing and twisting the jersey’s buttons and flattening the collar.

Friends and neighbours, who had been privy to Holland’s vocal scepticism, were left astonished by the sight. His routine also included touching his All Blacks flag three times for good luck, performing a series of exaggerated stretches, and ripping grass up from his front lawn, rubbing it between his palms and sniffing it.

One neighbour, Sarah Mitchell, said, “I couldn’t believe it. Brad gave me an earful when I said something about how he was being such a classic gemini,” she recalled.

“But now he’s out on his front lawn, basically in full All Blacks kit, doing sprints and push ups as if he’s Will Jordan.”

Holland was upbeat and positive about the upcoming match, despite his nerves and his truly frightening behaviour. 

“I reckon we’ll go 13+. Just need to start well, follow the process. We’ve prepared well and timed our run nicely.

“We’ve all done everything right in the build up, just need to execute on the day.  

“As long as we don’t get a waitress called Suzie, we’ll be fine”

More to come. 

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