GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture
OUTLOOK NOT GOOD
In a stunning display of self-delusion, local woman Emily Brown is once again attempting the impossible: to resist devouring an entire block of chocolate in one sitting. Despite her previous failed attempts, Ms. Brown is convinced that this time will be different.
With the promise of “just one piece,” Emily unwrapped her Whitakers Coconut Block and set herself up for the ultimate test of willpower. As she gazed at the chocolate’s smooth, velvety surface, her eyes shimmered with something vaguely resembling determination.
Friends and family are, unsurprisingly, highly skeptical of Ms. Brown’s claims. “We’ve seen this play out so many times before,” says her exasperated partner, Mark. “She always says she’ll only have a little bit, but then the next thing you know, the entire block has disappeared, and she’s looking guilty and slightly sick.”
Experts in the field of psychology have been intrigued by Emily’s ongoing battle with the chocolate block. Dr. Amanda Stevens, a renowned psychologist, remarks, “This is a classic example of cognitive dissonance. Ms. Brown’s desire for immediate gratification clashes with her desire to maintain self-control. Unfortunately, the allure of chocolate seems to win every time.”
When asked about her coping strategies, Emily explains, “I’ve tried everything – hiding the chocolate, rationing it, even buying smaller blocks. But somehow, I always find myself empty-handed, surrounded by crumbs, and a strange mix of guilt and satisfaction.”
In a desperate attempt to prove naysayers wrong, Emily is planning to document her latest endeavor on social media. “Maybe with an audience, I’ll be more accountable,” she explains, though many remain doubtful that external validation will be enough to stave off the chocolate block’s hypnotic spell.
For now, Emily Brown marches on, blissfully ignoring the mountain of evidence suggesting she will not emerge victorious from this sweet struggle.
More to come.