Zoi Sadowski-Synnott Tests Positive For Ice In Veins

Zoi Sadowski-Synnott flying the NZ flag



Following her dramatic come-from-behind win to claim New Zealand’s first ever Winter Olympics gold medal, snowboarder Zoi Sadowski-Synnott’s post-run drug test has revealed the only performance enhancer present in her blood was ice.  

The 20-year old’s cold blooded victory came after etching past America’s Julia Marino in her third and final run. 

Under massive pressure and needing to score better than Marino’s 87.68, the Wanaka based Kiwi confirmed that her veins were filled with ice after nailing a final score of 92.88. She is the first Kiwi champion on ice after more than 70 years of failed attempts.

Beijing Olympic drug tester Zihao Lee shed some light on the advantages for athletes who naturally have ice-cold blood. “It’s not common to see someone with actual ice in their veins. In high pressure situations where most people lose the plot and shit the bed, people like Zoi kick into high gear and nail it,” he explained. 

“Cold-blooded though right? She lets Marino get her hopes up and then just crushes her like a bug. What a soul killer, hahaha!” Zihao laughed. 

The result was a nice change for the island nation, after only ever winning gold medals at the summer Olympics, usually by having to paddle in some sort of boat.

This may not be the last gold medal from Beijing’s winter games, with many of New Zealand’s media outlets holding onto hope that the ‘gold medal per capita’ will also get them to the top of some sort of informal podium too.

More to come.

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