ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture
KIWI EFFICIENCY
When Mike Higgins woke up with a dry mouth at 2.45 this morning, the idea of going downstairs to the kitchen for a glass of water didn’t hold much appeal.
The 33 year-old instead made his way to the upstairs bathroom, shamelessly crouched over sink, slapping water into his mouth and making loud slurping noises.
“I just couldn’t be bothered, you know?” said Higgins, still wiping the drips of tap water from his chin.
“The thought of walking all the way to the kitchen for a glass… I mean, who can even brace themselves to turn on the light? Let alone pour water from the kitchen sink into a glass.”
Earlier in the evening, Higgns had indulged in a classic combination of a Domino’s pizza and a couple of beers with his mates, leaving him parched hours later as the salty residue worked its magic.
Higgins opted for a technique with one hand braced on the sink for balance, where he learnt over and let his tongue do the work, resembling a thirsty dog on a hot summer day.
“I’ve got to say, the water tastes different when you drink it straight from the tap like that,” he mused, as if discovering some ancient truth about hydration.
“There’s an authenticity to it, you know? It’s the purest form of drinking.”
Higgins’ wife who was woken up by all the noise was less than impressed, fully knowing what he’d done.
More to come.
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