GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture
ALL IN VAIN
Jordie Halswell, a Wellington local who has already had two Wellington on a Plate burgers this month, attempted to cheat reality today.
The 37 year old policy advisor from the Ministry of Education went for a sluggish 5 kilometre run last night, thinking it would somehow make a difference to the excessive amount of burgers he’s likely to eat this August.
Halswell, whose heart is in the right place, told reporters that he “had to do something”.
“Wellington on a Plate is a big deal to me and many of my colleagues at the MoE. And while I love a burger, they often do a lot of damage to my body, which I wasn’t that happy with in the first place,” he explained while tucking in to the third burger of his campaign.
“That was my first run in months and was hard work.”
‘WOAP’ as it’s widely known has become a yearly opportunity for Wellingtonians to feel part of something, a sensation that is often lost in today’s modern world. Halswell has accepted it as a key part of his personality that only comes out once a year.
“Look it’s not like I’m counting down the weeks until WOAP starts, as I do have other things going on. But once it’s here I’m really happy about it, and it’s a handy addition to my normal topics of conversation.”
The burger enthusiast finished off his burger and limped away from the table, still sore from his run, knowing full well that he would not attempt another one for at least two weeks.
“The important thing is that I took action.”
More to come.
