Public Servant Skim-Reads Email That Took Three Days To Write, Review And Sign Off

MAX EFFORT, MINIMAL IMPACT.
One Person Single-Handedly Responsible For 97% Of Group Chat Activity

OVERACTIVE.
All Blacks Can’t Even Completely Blame The Score On England’s Lame Boring Drop Goals

NARRATIVE RUINED.
Local Cop Quite Keen For His Bosses To Not Break The Law And Try To Disgracefully Cover It Up

GREAT EXPECTATIONS.
Balding Bloke Under Pressure To Shave It All Off Insists He’s “Nowhere Near Being Bald”

HOPE FADING.
Te Pāti Māori Insiders Convinced One More Parliament Haka Will Get Them Back On Track

SO CLOSE!
MBIE Bloke Receives “Values Shout Out” For Doing Thing He Said He Would Do In An Email

OUTSTANDING SERVICE.
Local Punter Gears Up for Annual Tradition of Losing Money On Melbourne Cup Day

TOTE TRAUMA.
David Seymour Spooked By Trick Or Treaters Dressed Up As The Capital Gains Tax

FRIGHT NIGHT.
Local Woman Claims The Short Week Feels Just As Long Because You Have To Fit More In

TIME WARP.