GRAND COALITION: Chris Luxon And Chris Hipkins Finally Fuse Together To Become One Giant Chris

GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics POLICY OVERLAP Prime Minister Chris Luxon and Labour leader Chris Hipkins have finally realised their shared love of power and disdain for New Zealanders make them perfect for each other. The two Chris’s have performed the legendary “fusion dance”, fusing their bodies and souls together to become the 7 foot tall, […]
Woman Who Said She Would Just Grab Milk Returns Home With Ice Cream, Lollies, And No Milk

MISSION DRIFT.
KIWI VICTORY: Tim Payne Now More Famous Than Australia’s Tim Paine Ever Was

NO PAYNE NO GAIN.
GHOST OF GOLRIZ: Greens Tax Plan Haunted By Urge To Take Things That Don’t Belong To Them

HAUNTED HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES.
Tim Payne Says Instagram Is Irrelevant After Seeing Egypt’s Mo Salah’s Follower Count

DIGITAL UNDERDOGS.
Old Boy At Pub Predictably Disgusted By “Bunch Of Hollywoods” At World Cup

DRAMA QUEENS.
Uni Student Graciously Credits 12.40 AM Pie And V For B-Minus All-Nighter Result

CLUTCH PERFORMANCE.
Weary Hurricanes Fan Heads Into Final Still Scarred by 2015 Defeat

EMOTIONALLY WOUNDED.
“Super Rugby Finals Don’t Run Without Crusaders,” Says One-Eyed Cantab Arriving Early At Cake Tin

SEEING RED.
Local Tradie Estimates Job Will Take ‘Couple Hours’ For Fourth Consecutive Day

FAMOUS LAST WORDS.