LAST ROLL OF THE DICE: TVNZ Welcomes Tim Naki As Head Of Investments
MANIFEST 30 MILLI.
TVNZ has announced their bold new strategy to get them out of financial ruin,appointing degenerate gambler Tim Naki as the new Head of Investments.
Indian Economy Collapsing As Quickly As Their Batting Order After First Test Series Loss To New Zealand
RUPEE IN FREEFALL.
The Indian economy is rumoured to be in absolute freefall, mirroring the nation’s dismal performance in the second test match against the Black Caps, who took a 2-0 series lead and victory in India.
Five Years On And Man Still Can’t Bring Himself To Throw Out Box iPhone Came In
TOO GOOD TO THROW OUT.
Wellington local Doug Canderson, 31, has an eye for quality that is fast becoming a personal burden.
Tory From Turners Gets Ahead Of The Game By Giving Crown Observer Great Deal On Honda Civic
IN THE DRIVER’S SEAT.
Wellington Mayor Tory Whanau has decided to make the best of an awkward situation by offering the incoming Crown Observer a deal on a reliable, pre-loved Honda Civic.
Golriz Dismayed To Find Out Her Theft Conviction Wasn’t A Big Misunderstanding
REALITY BITES.
Former Green MP Golriz Ghahraman’s bid to clear her name for a crime she definitely did, took a sharp turn today as the Auckland High Court firmly denied her appeal to wipe her shoplifting convictions.
Chloe Triple Checks That New MP Hasn’t Been Doing Any Shoplifting Or Migrant Exploitation
“NOW, YOU’RE SURE?”
Chloe Swarbrick is leaving no stone unturned in her recruitment process, specifically the background checks of Benjamin Doyle, who is likely to be joining her in parliament as an MP shortly.
Marriage Frays As Husband Fails To See Difference Between White Paint Colour Swatches
“ALL THE SAME TO ME”.
Josh Krawley was thoroughly unhelpful during an unscheduled visit to Mitre 10 last weekend.
The 32 year old builder stared blankly at his wife Cara, who had just asked him which white he preferred for painting the lounge. “It was like I was looking at two identical cards of the exact same colour,” he said to reporters, deliberately choosing not to use the word “swatches”.
Slice Of Heaven Song Fails To Ease Hellish Reality For Man On Hold To IRD
EVEN DAVE CAN’T SAVE.
After close to an hour on hold with the IRD, Andrew Young, 32, has lost all sense of time, space, and faith in bureaucratic efficiency.
Tory Whanau Calculating How Many Cars She Needs To Sell To Avoid Government Intervention
TORY FROM TURNERS.
Wellington Mayor Tory Whanau has been working overtime today—not at City Hall, but at Turner’s Cars.
Proven Thief And Liar Still Believes She Could Get A Job As A Lawyer
TAKE THE L AND MOVE ON.
Former Green MP Golriz Ghahraman, who is a household name in New Zealand for all the wrong reasons, insists that despite her recent run-ins with the law, she still harbours dreams of a future in the legal profession.
