Man Forgoes Midnight Glass Of Water And Instead Slurps Like A Dog From Bathroom Tap
KIWI EFFICIENCY.
When Mike Higgins woke up with a dry mouth at 2.45 this morning, the idea of going downstairs to the kitchen for a glass of water didn’t hold much appeal.
Local Woman With New Air Fryer Talks About Air Fryer
WE MADE CHIPS!
32 year old homeowner Tali Lambourne made it abundantly clear today that she is very pleased with her new air fryer.
Christchurch Newcomer Begins Five Year Probation Period Before Being Welcomed Into Friend Group
MAKING IT CLIQUE
Kristy Fowler, 27, is quickly discovering that making friends in Christchurch is less about introductions and more about enduring lengthy probation periods.
Liam Lawson To Keep Smiles To A Minimum After Taking Over From F1’s “Happiest Driver”
HAPPY DAYS.
Liam Lawson has had to keep his emotions in check over the past few days.
In a dramatic turn of events, Red Bull Racing has announced that New Zealand’s Liam Lawson will be stepping into the seat of Daniel Ricciardo for the remainder of the 2024 F1 season with Red Bull.
Bloke Once Again Finds Himself Watching Nathan Astle’s 222 Highlights
THAT SOUND OFF THE BAT.
Damian Harris, 35, has once again paused all meaningful activity around his home to rewatch the full-length highlights of Nathan Astle’s famous 222 against England back in 2002.
BACK IN THE OFFICE: Wellington Public Servant Spends First Hour At Desk Dusting Off Cobwebs
BEEN A WHILE.
Devon Chalmers, a senior digital advisor at the Ministry of Education, was surprised at the state of his office desk this morning, having not seen it in the last four years.
Car-Selling Expert Tory Whanau Rumoured To Replace Tina From Turners
TORY FROM TURNERS.
Instead of copping more flak over her recent media missteps, Wellington Mayor Tory Whanau has had some surprisingly good news – she’s reportedly in the running to replace Tina from Turners, New Zealand’s beloved spokesperson for Turners Car Auctions.
Local Man On Third Blue V Of The Day Wondering Why He Feels So Average
IT ALL STARTS WITH V
Local software developer Callum Marsden was battling today, after staying up well past his bedtime playing video games last night.
Public Servant Performs His Unnecessary Job In The Office Instead Of At Home
Lochie Jansen, a 30 year old “business analyst” at ACC, has opted for a change of pace today.
With the Prime Minister’s announcement that Wellington’s public servants will all be “going back to the office”, Jansen is proactively getting used to doing his questionable job in town instead of at home.
STRUGGLING ON $189K: Wellington Mayor Tory Whanau Regretting Her Attempt To Appear Relatable
IT’S ROUGH OUT THERE.
Tory Whanau gave her comms team an absolute bollocking today.
It appears that the key messages they supplied her ahead of a Newstalk ZB interview failed to tell her not to say she’s doing it tough on $189,000 a year.
