Local Woman Finishes Criminal Law Degree Only To Find Out It’s Not The Same As The Crime Podcasts She Listens To
QUITE DIFFERENT.
Alice Hipkins, a 25 year old financial advisor from Christchurch, revealed today that she is actually qualified to practise criminal law, something that has absolutely nothing to do with giving people advice about their mortgages.
Public Servant Lights Up Group Hui By Asking “Will These Slides Be Made Available Afterwards?”
INSTANT IMPACT.
Senior HR advisor Amy Dalton may have switched off halfway through this morning’s group hui, but that wasn’t going to stop her from making a massive impact late in the piece.
NZ CUP DAY: Christchurch Race Goers Look Forward To Being Comfortably Steamed At 10:37 AM
COMING IN HOT.
Mid morning on a Tuesday isn’t usually the time when you’d expect nearly 20,000 people to be six to eight standard drinks deep.
CUP WEEK: Anti Racing Activist Urged To Consider The Joy Of A Champagne Brekky And Day On The Punt
OH GO ON…
Smug millennial Ruby Wareing is likely never going to know what it is like to have a full head of steam before 10 am on the second Tuesday of November. But now she has been strongly urged to at least consider it.
HOLLYWOOD HORROR: Rieko Ioane Set To Haunt Irish Dreams In Freddy Krueger Reboot
NIGHTMARE ON O’CONNELL STREET.
All Blacks centre Rieko Ioane has reportedly signed a deal with Newline Cinema to star in the latest instalment of the Freddy Krueger horror movie franchise.
Wellington Man Buys $19 Beer And Pretends Everything Is Fine
DAYLIGHT ROBBERY.
Shaun McHardy pretended not to feel emotionally gutted by the transaction he made today.
Kiwi Bloke Couldn’t Give A Fuck About The US Election
NO SKIN IN THE GAME.
Jakob Hammond, a 29-year-old electrician from Christchurch, has expressed zero interest in the political events happening at the moment in the United States.
Local Woman Instantly Forgets About Animal Welfare After Boyfriend’s Trifecta Comes In
YUP TO THE CUP.
Wellington woman Rosie Neilson, 26, experienced a miraculous ethical transformation this afternoon.
England Player Facing Disciplinary Measures For Scoring Try Instead Of Kicking Drop Goal
GOING OFF SCRIPT.
In the wake of their nail-biting 24-22 defeat by the All Blacks at Twickenham, England’s coaching staff have quickly turned to serious internal matters.
Girlfriend Knows She Won’t Be Seeing Boyfriend Until Three Hours After ‘Be Home Soon’ Text
GIRL MATH
Matt Tate, 29, has once again told a white lie to his girlfriend Emily.
