GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics
QUACKED THE CODE
New Zealanders were left confused yesterday after bizarre and cringeworthy audio was leaked of a Labour training session that seemed to focus a lot on duck-sized horses and horse-sized ducks.
It was unclear whether the leak was an act of genuine dissent or a deliberate attempt to compete with the cringey awkwardness of National’s own group of Gen-Xers and elder millennials.
In the recording you could hear people who surely couldn’t have known they were being recorded discuss whether they’d rather fight one horse-sized duck or one hundred duck-sized horses. MP Barbara Edmonds was heard calling Finance Minister Nicola Willis “a duck-faced horse”, which she has since apologised for.
The result of the meeting, which was not caught on tape, was that Labour’s key strategy this election is to find an actual horse-sized duck for Chris Hipkins to ride triumphantly into parliament.
While most are calling this “ridiculous” or “bloody stupid”, some believe the idea has legs, or at least very large webbed feet.
“Well obviously ducks don’t get that big and if they did I imagine they’d take a long time to break in and train for riding. Probably not do-able in time for this election”, said Labour list MP Kieran McAnulty knowledgeably.
“But no idea’s a stupid idea at this stage. It’s amazing what people can do with AI and we’ve obviously got Weta Workshop over in Miramar, so I dunno maybe they could make a massive duck that Chippy could ride and lead Labour to victory.”
It still isn’t clear how a giant rideable duck is going to be a vote-winner for Labour, but McAnulty says if they’re able to build an oversized bird that doesn’t currently exist, then they can do just about anything.
“Anything’s possible! And if anyone’s going to lose an election to a horse-sized duck, it’s Christopher Luxon.”
More to come.
