ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport
DRAMA QUEENS
Barry Briggs, 72, from Greymouth, has officially declared modern football “more drama school than sport” after witnessing a FIFA World Cup match at his local pub on Saturday afternoon.
Briggs had settled in with a steady beer and what he described as “reasonable expectations of men behaving like men”, when things began to unravel the more he watched on.
“At one point you end up feeling like you’re watching a medical drama instead of competitive sport being played by grown men,” Barry said, shaking his head. “Every five minutes someone’s rolling around like they’ve been shot in the street, and the replay shows a very slight bit of shoulder contact. What are these drama queens doing? Just a bunch of Hollywoods!”
Barry said the turning point came when a forward went down clutching his face for no apparent reason, before proceeding to roll on the ground like a screaming child.
“For christ’s sake!,” he said. “Get off the ground and play the game. This isn’t a bloody theatre production!”
As the match continued, Barry became increasingly convinced the players were prioritising performance over football.
“They’re just a bunch of Hollywoods,” he muttered into his pint. “Spend more time acting than playing. Half of them would win Oscars before they’d win a tackle.”
More to come.
