GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Sport
DOUBLE THREAT
After a very pleasing start to their World Cup campaign, the All Whites find themselves sitting pretty at the top of Group G, despite all four teams being equal on one point.
The New Zealand team put their draw against a much higher ranking Iran side down to strong possession of the ball, patient build up play and composed finishing by attacking midfielder Eli Just.
But the table ranking has left some scratching their heads about why New Zealand is top when all teams appear to be equal. Some pedantic FIFA officials have attempted to explain something about the number of yellow cards etc, but most New Zealanders now understand that we’re top because of Tim Payne’s instagram account.
“It’s just the aura around it,” explained FIFA president Gianni Infantino, wading into the debate.
“Someone’s got to be listed at the top of that group table, and look, no-one’s really interested in yellow cards are they? Tim Payne’s social media journey is a phenomenal story for the fans, and it’s just great for the game in general,” he said, with help from a kiwi translator.
The All Whites camp tended to agree, saying this is what they needed to keep the momentum going into their next game against Egypt.
“It wouldn’t make sense for New Zealand to not be top of group G right now,” said an assistant trainer who wasn’t too busy for an interview.
“First you get the crazy T Payne story in the lead up to the tournament, and now you’ve got this instant star in the form of Eli Just. No one’s really looking at the yellow card thing and so it’s obvious to me that the world just wants to see New Zealand do well.”
The All Whites’ next match will be at 1 o’clock on Monday next week, where it is fair to say that Tim Payne would most likely trade all his newfound Instagram followers for a win against Egypt.
More to come.
