GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture
DOESN’T COUNT AS A STREAK
An All Blacks insider has revealed new detail about what inspired captain Sam Cane to put the boot into a hapless pitch invader over the weekend.
Cane was allegedly unfazed by the fact that the game was being delayed, and was instead just annoyed that the intruder didn’t even have the courage to get nude first.
“I think a lot of the boys just miss the old days when pitch invasions were funny, for obvious reasons,” said the anonymous source.
“Cano just decided that enough was enough. If you’re going to annoy everyone in a packed stadium, at least add a bit of comedy to it.”
The fully-clothed failure has weirdly been receiving sympathy from some of the New Zealand public, presumably people who have never actually been to a sporting event before. “I dunno what’s wrong with people these days. It’s just such a muck around and these fake streakers deserve everything they get.
“If the guy was nude then Sam probably would have just laughed and got away from him. It’s quite frightening to have a fully nude man running at you, even if you are an All Black,” said the faceless team gossip.
“In saying that, I’ll never forget the time Andrew Symonds was at the crease for Australia when he dropped a shoulder on a genuine streaker. Absolutely levelled the c***. Hilarious.”
The comms team at SANZARR are allegedly drafting a message to fans that “as a matter of public safety, if you’re going to streak, it’s gotta be nude”.
More to come.
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