Secret Santa Snob Begins Rehearsals of “OMG, I Love It!”

woman practicing omg in the mirror

KASSIE MACKAY | Culture 

I’VE ALWAYS WANTED…THAT.

Former Whakataki resident and renowned snob, Amelia Cunningham, is set to reprise her role as the grateful gift receiver this Christmas, when her family will gather to perform Secret Santa.

In a defiant commitment to tradition and total denial of inflation, the Cunningham family’s Secret Santa spending limit of $5 has seen an overall decline in the quality of gifts over the years. Where once a large box of Roses was standard, predictions for 2023 suggest gifts may peak at a small pack of Favourites.

The low spending threshold and overall shrinkage in Secret Santa gifts is especially frustrating for Amelia, aged 30, who prides herself on being the most refined of her seven siblings: “I live in Auckland now, ” she explains, mentioning something about a job at a company with a long acronym.

Finding she could not locate a $5 gift in her locale of Newmarket, Amelia opted to spend beyond the $5 when shopping for her Secret Santa this year. Amelia is confident her tradie brother will love the cinnamon scented candle she bought him, but she has little hope that she’ll be as enamoured.

As such, Amelia has been carefully rehearsing her lines, ready to gush over discounted confectionary or plastic novelty toys. With seven variations of, “OMG I LOVE IT!” up her sleeve, Amelia is confident her snobbery will be sufficiently concealed.

“Honestly, I’m preparing for gift-wrapped garbage,” she smirks, “but I think they’ll be keeping me on the ‘nice’ list after Monday’s show.”

More to come. 

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