Corin Dann Books In Three Nice Chlöe Interviews To Make Up For That Mean Winston One
BALANCED REPORTING.
Tamatha Paul Has Bike Stolen, Asks Thief To Return It When They Feel Emotionally Ready
NO RUSH.
Chlöe Confronts Reality That If Golriz And Darleen Had Obeyed The Law Then She Wouldn’t Be Stuck With Old Bussy Boy
WHO’S NEXT ON THE LIST?
Chloe Now Wishing Benjamin Doyle Was Just A Run Of The Mill Shoplifter
SIMPLER TIMES.
Swarbrick Cops It At Green Party Fines Session After Forgetting To Wash The Team Kit
OOH THAT’S A BIG ONE.
Green Party co-leader Chloe Swarbrick absolutely copped it at the fines session today, after forgetting it was her turn to wash the dirty keffiyehs for the team.
Parliamentary Service Lad Remains Tight-Lipped About Which MPs Are Dickheads In Real Life
NOT WHO YOU’D EXPECT.
25-year-old James* (who, for reasons of his own, only goes by “James”) works as an advisor in our nation’s parliament. James recently shared with friends that he’s spent the last two years accumulating top-secret intel on the MPs he works with.
44-Year-Old Lawyer Finding It Quite Difficult To Get Away With Shoplifting These Days
CAN’T CATCH A BREAK.
A middle-aged Aucklander who happens to be a qualified lawyer has been having a run of bad luck lately.
Pak n Save Shopper Uses Shopping Basket Instead Of Own Bag So She Doesn’t Look Like She’s Stealing
KEEPING UP APPEARANCES.
A 40 year old woman from central Auckland turned heads today, as she opted for a shopping basket to carry her groceries as she selected them at Royal Oak Pak n Save.
“Pak n Save Keeps Prices Low But You Still Have To Pay Them!” Says Stickman To Golriz
EXTRA LOW DEALS.
Stickman, the national spokesman for Pak n Save, has said “enough is enough” after news broke that non-MP Golriz Ghahraman is now being investigated for shoplifting at their Royal Oak supermarket.
Chloe Swarbrick Weeps As Eco-Stocking Composts Before Her Very Eyes
“NO CHRISTMAS CHEER HERE”
Green Party Co-Leader Chloe Swarbrick was reportedly in tears this morning after learning that her plans for a very green Christmas had turned to compost.
