ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National
WARDROBE WOES
The Green Party has been thrown into sudden disarray this week after reports of peace in the Middle East left members scrambling to find a new team uniform.
For the past two years, Green Party co-leader Chlöe Swarbrick has dutifully taken responsibility for washing the team’s iconic keffiyehs, the black-and-white scarves long regarded as both a fashion statement and a political position.
But with peace breaking out overseas, the party’s go-to outfit has officially been deemed “out of season,” leaving MPs looking “disturbingly uncoordinated,” according to party insiders.
“I mean far out, how are we supposed to be taken seriously or for something important, when we’re not sharply dressed as Palestinians?” Swarbrick asked earnestly, folding one of the freshly laundered scarves for what may be the final time.
While it may be a bit of a wardrobe dilemma for Swarbrick and her team, she was also quietly relieved to potentially part ways with her team’s laundry duties.
“Between committee meetings, media interviews, the marches and protests, finding time to soak everyone’s scarves in eco-friendly detergent was starting to take its toll! Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad there’s peace in the Middle East, but we looked so good in them!”
When asked what the Greens might wear next, Swarbrick said the party was exploring several ethically conscious options.
“We’re looking into hemp ponchos, they’re breathable, biodegradable, and make you look like you’ve just finished a silent retreat in Golden Bay. But hey, we could dye our hair blue and yellow- there’s still stuff going on in Ukraine, isn’t there?”
More to come.
