GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture
DECISION FATIGUE
Nelson man Fraser McKenzie has ordered a pint of Behemoth “Something Hazy” purely to avoid having to think any further this evening, after what friends described as “a pretty full-on Friday mentally”.
The 34-year-old communications advisor made the call shortly after arriving at a downtown bar and staring silently at the drinks menu for nearly forty seconds.
McKenzie eventually pointed vaguely at the board and muttered “Yeah just chuck us the hazy” before visibly relaxing into his seat.
“Honestly I feel like I’ve been making decisions all bloody day,” he explained, plonking down his glass. “I had to choose meeting times, rewrite a sentence about stakeholder engagement six different ways and decide whether to get the large sushi or not. By the time I got here I was completely cooked. Just wanted a Behemoth hazy to take it all away.”
Friends confirmed the hazy IPA has become McKenzie’s “default setting” over the past two years, largely because it allows him to bypass any genuine personality or preference.
“You don’t really have to commit to anything with a hazy,” said mate Dylan Reeves. “It’s not a lager because then people think you’re simple, but it’s not some weird smoked porter either because that takes too much energy. It just sits safely in the middle. Impossible to go wrong”
McKenzie agreed, saying the beer offered “a soft landing” after a difficult day navigating a bunch of difficult requests.
“It tastes vaguely tropical, everyone else is drinking one and you can sort of sip it thoughtfully while pretending you know what ‘mouthfeel’ means,” he said. “It’s a good fit for me and hard not to just want another one afterwards. It’s my favourite Behemoth brew to be honest.”
Bar staff say they see similar behaviour most nights, particularly among men in puffer jackets quietly recovering from spreadsheet-based employment.
“There’s usually this moment where they look at all twelve taps like they’re deciding whether to make an offer on a house,” said bartender Liv Thompson. “Then they panic and order the hazy because deep down, they’ve already made every other decision they’re capable of making that day.”
At press time, McKenzie was reportedly avoiding another decision by getting a second hazy.
More to come.
