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Prime Minister Becomes Instantly More Likeable And Relatable After Picking Up Cricket Bat

Luxon playing cricket

MAN ON THE STREET.

Christchurch Couple Decide School Leavers Hoodies Stay On During Sex

couple with hoodies in bedroom

ALUMNI IN THE STREETS, ALUMNI IN THE SHEETS 

Bloke’s ‘Quick Chat’ With The Neighbour Passes The 45 Minute Mark

neighbours yarning

CHAT TRAP

Aucklander Who Moved to Tauranga for ‘Laid-Back Lifestyle’ Now Complaining There’s Nothing to Do

bored woman on mount maunganui

Is ‘the Mount’ all it’s cracked up to be?

Woman Rescued From Her Zombie-Like State With Emergency Espresso Coffee

before and after of woman having coffee at good home prebbleton

REJUVENATED. 

The staff at The Good Home restaurant and bar, Prebbleton, could be forgiven for thinking it was the beginning of the zombie apocalypse this morning.

Luxon Eases Pain Of Poor Poll Result By Binging On Chip And Marmite Sandwiches

Luxon eating chippy sandwich

CRUNCHING THE NUMBERS.

Prime Minister Christopher Luxon was spotted sitting alone outside of Parliament’s Beehive  today.

Local Bloke Can’t Justify Spending $60 on Groceries, But Happily Spends $120 on Friday Night Piss-Up

man panicking at receipt at pak n save but thinking about beers

BOY MATH.

Daniel McCafferty has once again demonstrated his world-class financial priorities.

The 31 year-old recently balked at a $60 grocery bill before promptly forking out double that amount on a Friday night session with the boys.

“I Prefer Marmite Over Vegemite”: One Issue The Prime Minister Isn’t On The Fence About

Luxon with two jars of marmite

STRONG STANCE.

In a rare moment of decisiveness, Prime Minister Christopher Luxon has put a stake in the ground over a hotly debated issue: Marmite vs Vegemite.

School Principals Slam Prime Minister For Suggesting Parents Make Marmite Sandwiches And Not Vegemite Ones

luxon with marmite and vegemite at local school

OUT OF TOUCH.

Teachers and principals took a break from sending photos of squashed school lunches to Stuff today, instead turning their attention to Prime Minister Christopher Luxon.

Desolate Earth Wins ‘Best Set Design’ For Post Apocalyptic Wasteland At Johnsonville Mall

johnsonville mall at oscars

GLIMMERING RUINS.

Wellington’s Johnsonville Mall has been rewarded at the Oscars this year for being hauntingly similar to a society in collapse.

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DISCLAIMER: NZ satire and NZ comedy have a long tradition. The Whakataki Times is a satirical news meme website, which means the stories and memes are made up for comedic effect.