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SHAME: Cricketer’s Ego Crumbles As Girlfriend Knocks Him Over In Beach Cricket

man looking at bat as girlfriend celebrates

SENT HIM PACKING.

Spencer Lyon has felt more shame today than anything else he has experienced in club cricket.

Woman’s 2025 Plan To “Read More Books” Immediately Ends After New Crime Series Drops on Netflix

embarassed woman on the couch with phone with netflix in the foreground

NEW YEAR SAME ME.

In what was supposed to be the year of self-improvement, 27-year-old Marie Wilkins’ New Year’s resolution to read more books has officially been derailed—hours into 2025.

“This Is The Last Time” Says Woman, Already Lying To Herself About 2025 Detox

woman on deck at dusk with rose wine

FINISHING STRONG.

Sophie Anderson, 28, of Auckland, has officially declared that tonight’s New Year’s Eve will be her final indulgence in “bad decisions and excessive drinking” before embarking on a serious, no-excuses, life-changing detox in 2025.

“Just A Casual Hike Up Here” Says Woman Being A Complete Thirst Trap On Instagram

woman up mount maunganui with instagram phone.

INSTAFLIRT.

Hannah Luff, 25, was determined to showcase her walk up Mount Maunganui to her family and friends, but especially one person in particular.

Local Dad Rolls Back The Years With Sensational BYC Hat Trick Against His Hapless Children

dad celebrating bowling our his nine year old son

UNSTOPPABLE

Mark Grover’s eyes lit up when he saw six year-old son Jackson walk up to the crease in today’s Boxing Day BYC match.

Chloe Swarbrick Weeps As Eco-Stocking Composts Before Her Very Eyes

Chloe Swarbrick with christmas stockings

“NO CHRISTMAS CHEER HERE”

Green Party Co-Leader Chloe Swarbrick was reportedly in tears this morning after learning that her plans for a very green Christmas had turned to compost.

REPORT: No Christmas Toy Will Ever Match the Glory of the Vortex Mega Howler

man on deck with beer thinking about vortex mega howler

“FEEL THE POWER”

Jacob Cooper, a 34-year-old Christchurch man, is adamant that no Christmas gift—past, present, or future—will ever surpass the iconic glory of the Vortex Mega Howler.

Christmas Day Gym Goer Reminds Us We’ll Never Be As Disciplined As Him

man at gym thinking about pavlova

THE GRIND NEVER STOPS.

Chad Blackwell had a point to prove on Christmas Day.

It was yet another day to remind the world that the grind never stops for the 27 year-old from Auckland.

Grown Man Gets Cold Shoulder From Mum After Failing to Adequately Wrap Gifts

man looking dejected as disappointed mum looks at poorly wrapped gifts.

“IT’S ALL GOT TO BE RE-DONE”

It’ll be a silent night indeed for Joseph Christensen, who is facing the cold shoulder from his mum for failing to meet her exacting standards of gift wrapping.

Local Woman’s Out Of Office Auto Reply Beginning To Read More Like A Travel Itinerary

woman in office with out of office on thinking about airplaine

“HI THERE”

When 26-year-old Loren Ashley set up her out-of-office auto-reply last Friday, she didn’t just inform her colleagues she’d be away — she unwittingly provided them with a detailed travel log of her Christmas plans.

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DISCLAIMER: NZ satire and NZ comedy have a long tradition. The Whakataki Times is a satirical news meme website, which means the stories and memes are made up for comedic effect.