Desolate Earth Wins ‘Best Set Design’ For Post Apocalyptic Wasteland At Johnsonville Mall

GLIMMERING RUINS.
Wellington’s Johnsonville Mall has been rewarded at the Oscars this year for being hauntingly similar to a society in collapse.
Luxon Hopeful His Fresh New Volodymyr Zelenskyy Tattoo Will Impress New Zealand Voters

ISSUES THAT MATTER.
Prime Minister Christopher Luxon is quietly confident that he’s finally tapped into what matters most for New Zealand voters – Ukraine.
Christchurch Bloke Reckons He’s Pretty Open To New People, As Long As They’re From Christchurch

CRUSADE ON.
29-year-old Tim Riley has made it clear that he’s “pretty open” to meeting new folks in Christchurch.
Confused Checkout Operator Spends Three Minutes Asking Luxon If He’d Like His Receipt Or Not

YES OR NO.
Chloe Jamieson, a 21 year old checkout operator at New World Botany, was left physically and emotionally drained this morning, after what should have been a very brief interaction with Prime Minister Christopher Luxon.
Barber Once Again Tasked With Fixing Girlfriend’s DIY Job On Boyfriend

LEAVE IT TO THE PROS.
The team at 1855 Barbers in Prebbleton Christchurch have once again proved why some jobs should be left to the professionals. Against all odds they were able to salvage what can only be described as an ambitious but ultimately tragic DIY haircut that local woman Emma Carter inflicted on her boyfriend Jake.
Wellington City Council Reveals Plans For Much-Needed Second Bucket Fountain

FINALLY!
After years of Wellingtonians complaining about failing infrastructure in the CBD, Wellington City Council has at last listened to ratepayers.
PERSONAL TOUCH: Andrew Bayly Launches New Business Offering An ‘Angry Massage’

NO, YOU RELAX!
After an “animated discussion” turned handsy, National MP Andrew Bayly is now pivoting into a new venture. His new Wellington-based business, Angry Massage Co, is a bespoke wellness service that promises to “work out your knots with a personal touch of anger.”
Caleb Clarke Tries Outrunning Opposition For Once Instead Of Going Straight Through Them

NEED FOR SPEED.
All Blacks winger Caleb Clarke has surprised rugby analysts and fans by attempting a radical new strategy: evasion.
REPORT: Auckland Better Than Wellington Not Just In Football But In General

ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY.
The age-old debate over which city reigns supreme was once again put to bed on Saturday night, as Auckland FC ruthlessly dismantled the Wellington Phoenix 6-1 at Go Media Stadium.
Clean Living Wellness Guru Puts Values On Pause So She Can Take Drugs At Electric Ave

HOLISTIC HYPOCRISY.
Hannah Davies, a self-proclaimed wellness guru who regularly preaches the benefits of clean living, organic eating, and spiritual alignment, has temporarily shelved her core beliefs in order to get absolutely sideways at Christchurch’s Electric Avenue festival.