GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics
DEATH AND TAXES
With the election just round the corner, hybrid monstrosity Chris Luxkins, also known as “MEGA CHRIS” has announced a new and improved android campaigning for Natbour this year.
“Taxinda 2.0” is the next generation robot programmed exclusively to take more money from New Zealanders, while claiming that this would somehow be a good thing. The manufacturers say that the new Taxinda will be much more effective at extracting cash than the previous model.
Luxkins, who was famously spawned out of the unholy union of the bodies and spirits of Chris Luxon and Chris Hipkins, says Taxinda 2.0 will do its job well for Natbour.
“New Taxinda love money. Love taking money from puny New Zealanders,” said the massive humpty-dumpty-esque character as he stalked the halls of parliament.
Taxinda 2.0 is running for Natbour this year under the sub-brand “Opportunity”, which is managed by former Labour Minister and workplace creep, Iain Lees-Galloway. The Opportunity brand is focused on a “land tax”, which is a fresh new way to take money that doesn’t belong to them, and a “citizen’s income”, which definitely doesn’t sound communist at all.
Greens leader Chloe Swarbrick would not be drawn on claims that Taxinda 2.0 is trying to steal her thing by wanting to tax the country to death. Instead she announced the new Greens policy which is to have government-owned supermarkets.
Built for an agile world, Taxinda 2.0 updates its own software (and policy) regularly whenever asked a difficult question by Jack Tame. However the android does pick its battles carefully when it comes to media.
Luxkins says his new candidate will be a great fit for his brave new world.
More to come.
