GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics
IN THE HOT SEAT
Q & A’s Jack Tame got more than he’d bargained for when he sat down to interview the recently spawned “grand coalition monster” known as Chris Luxkins.
Luxkins entered this broken world earlier this year when Prime Minister Christopher Luxon and Labour leader Chris Hipkins performed the ancient “fusion dance” ritual, to complete the unholy union of their bodies, souls and political parties.
During the interview the giant Chris was asked a pointed question about digital ID and central bank digital currency, triggering the megafauna to lunge forward, grabbing Tame’s arm before biting his whole hand off and spitting it out onto the desk.
Tame somehow managed to remain professional during the ordeal. “It’s live TV and I have a responsibility to maintain a calm professionalism, even during the spicier interviews,” he told reporters from his hospital room where his new stub had been bandaged.
“To be fair this is the first time a political candidate has literally bitten my hand off and eaten it,” said Tame, still appearing level-headed.
Luxkins meanwhile made no apologies for his assertive leadership style.
“Chris no like stupid Jack Tame questions on stupid TVNZ. Puny weaklings stay quiet when Chris in charge,” he said in his trademark broken English.
Luxkins has previously been questioned over his aggressive style on his town hall campaign trail, where two undecided voters had their arms ripped out of their sockets.
“No more questions!! Whakataki dumb dumb!” he roared at our reporter, who luckily escaped without being maimed by the hulking goliath.
Luxkins then abruptly ended the interview and began chasing TVNZ stage hands out of the building, apparently because of a newly acquired lust for human blood.
More to come.
