ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport
ALL WORTH IT
New Zealanders are expected to get yet another jump in petrol prices with officials confirming the spike is “unfortunately linked” to the All Whites’ 2-2 draw with Iran this afternoon.
The All Whites led twice in the game, courtesy of a seventh-minute strike from Eli Just, who then helped them again take the lead after halftime.
Within minutes of the final whistle, global markets allegedly misinterpreted the result as a “geopolitical escalation event,” despite it being, as one analyst put it, “just a Kiwi lad slotting one past a keeper in Los Angeles on the biggest stage.”
One senior government energy advisor explained the price hike. “Markets don’t usually react to football results… unless Iran is involved. Then it becomes clear this is less about oil and more about sporting revenge economics. But hey I think most Kiwis won’t mind paying a little more at the petrol pump after the result. Another unbeaten game in a FIFA World Cup!”
Meanwhile the All Whites squad remains blissfully unaware of the economic fallout, reportedly celebrating the draw by repeatedly watching the goals back and thinking they probably could have won after leading twice in the game.
Government advisors are now working on emergency measures, including a proposed policy where New Zealand must “consider drawing again or losing future matches for the sake of national fuel stability.”
More to come.
