Support Growing For Proposed Total Ban On Politicians Dancing In Public

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
Bloke Forgets What He Said at Work Drinks, Just Assumes It Was Career-Ending

REGRETSVILLE.
Man Says Rift In Space And Time Caused Friday Beers To Take Longer To Get Here This Week

TIME WARP.
Hipkins Joins Trendy New Run Club After Running From Public Inquiry

ON THE MOVE.
Chlöe Made To Drag Her Desk Outside And Stop Disrupting The Class

DETENTION!
Nicola Willis In Charge Of Redesigning National Party Logo To Better Represent Priorities

ARTS AND CRAFTS.
Swarbrick Kicked Out Of Parliament For The Week Now Has No Excuse For Not Washing Team Kit

SILVER LININGS.
Polling Shows Surge In Support For Snackachangi Chip Guy As Preferred Prime Minister

MAN OF THE PEOPLE.
Fully Domesticated Man Has No Recollection Of Ever Washing Sheets While Single And Flatting

MUST HAVE AT SOME POINT?
MO’UNGA RETURNS: One Eyed Cantab In Hospital After Falling Off Chair In Excitement

RETURN OF THE KING.