One Eyed Cantab Has Last Remaining Eye Removed So He Can’t See Crusaders Anymore
SEEN ENOUGH.
Diehard Crusaders fan, Craig Chamberlain, from Christchurch, has taken drastic measures to shield himself from the agony of witnessing his beloved team’s defeats on the rugby field.
Crusaders Fans Call For Super Rugby To Introduce “Fair Play” Award
GOTTA WIN SOMETHING.
With their team languishing in 11th place on the Super Rugby table, Crusaders supporters have come together to demand justice in the form of a “Fair Play” award.
Man Describes Flavours He’s Detecting In Craft Beer Whether Friends Want To Hear It Or Not
OOH THAT’S HOPPY.
35 year old Hayden Carson put his friends through the ringer yesterday afternoon, when he inevitably got onto his favourite topic of discussion – craft beer.
Government Announces New “Ministry Of Voluntary Redundancies”
ANY VOLUNTEERS?
With the tidal wave of changes to the public service in Wellington recently, the Coalition government is setting up a new ministry to keep up with demand.
Annoyingly Good Indoor Football Player Fills In For Social League Game And Ruins It
URGH..
Joey Martinez, a lover of football of the indoor variety, has a habit of hanging around after his scheduled evening games to see if any other teams need extra players.
TVNZ Attempt To Improve Ratings By Axing Long Running Show People Actually Watch
GENIUS STUFF.
In a bold move to tackle plummeting ratings and revenue, the brains trust at TVNZ has announced its decision to axe one of its longest-running and most beloved shows, Fair Go, along with the midday and late-night news bulletins.
Luxon Reveals Plan To Bring Back SportsCafe By 2030
THAT GUY.
Prime Minister Christopher Luxon today shocked the nation by unveiling his ambitious plan to bring back the iconic SportsCafe, which he starred in, by the year 2030.
Parents Send Kids To David Seymour For Saturday Morning Catch Up Classes
GOOD MORNING MR SEYMOUR.
Wellington parents have decided to take Associate Education Minister David Seymour’s advice to heart by sending their children to him for Saturday morning catch-up classes.
Local Lads Wagging School To Go To The Movies Marked As “Climate Strikers”
TOO EASY.
15 year old Zane Caldwell has found a gaping loophole that he’ll keep firmly in his back pocket from now on.
Woman Rescued From Her Zombie-Like State With Emergency Espresso Coffee
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture REJUVENATED The staff at The Good Home restaurant and bar could be forgiven for thinking it was the beginning of the zombie apocalypse this morning. 25 year old lawyer Libby Edgerton stumbled towards the barista at 8 o’clock, dragging one foot behind her and generally looking like one of the walking […]
