Smug Millennial Fools Absolutely No One by Asking “What’s UpTheWahs?”
“IS THAT SPORTSBALL?”
Pink-haired millennial Ruby Galbraith wasn’t fooling anyone in her Wellington office today.
The 28 year-old swanned into the lunchroom and asked some of her sport-oriented colleagues, “What’s ‘UpTheWahs’?” looking at her phone and seeing that the “One NZ” that was normally in the top left of her screen had been replaced by the very well-known Warriors slogan.
One NZ have confirmed today they officially replaced their network name with UpTheWahs as a nod to the team they’ve sponsored since 1999.
INSPIRATIONAL: Despite Cost Of Living Pressure Netflix Subscription Survives Another Payment Round
LIKE CLOCKWORK.
Wellington couple Sarah Wintle and Jake Steele are just two ordinary Kiwis trying to make ends meet in a country where the cost of living continues to rise at an alarming rate.
But despite the 27 year-olds finding themselves in a never ending battle against their bills, they continue to keep their Netflix subscription on, despite their financial limitations.
“I mean, we can’t just not be passively entertained every night, right?” said Wintle, who continues to complain about the cost of fruit and veges while not considering cancelling her $24.99 a month Netflix subscription.
TVNZ Promises To Double Check Next Time They Think An MP Has Made A Bomb Threat
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Politics EXPLOSIVE ALLEGATIONS TVNZ have promised to double-check their news sources the next time they get it into their heads that a leader of a New Zealand political party has made an actual threat of violence. This assurance comes hot on the heels of a bizarre apology issued by Breakfast host Anna […]
Big Poll Result For National: Newstalk ZB Bosses Prepare For A Very Hungover Mike Hosking
ALWAYS BE PREPARED.
In a remarkable show of forward thinking, the higher-ups at Newstalk ZB are reportedly bracing themselves for a dangerously hungover Mike Hosking. The popular radio host, renowned for his opinions and undying love for the National Party, has likely started on a big night out, leaving his bosses to deal with the aftermath.
The predicted piss up follows a landmark poll result for National in tonight’s 1News Verian Poll, which dealt a devastating blow to Labour, who have slumped four points to 29%.
Kiwi Woman Can’t Understand How Her Mate Is Still Affording Europe Three Months In
NEVER ENDING HOLIDAY.
Shanya Croy of Christchurch has found herself perplexed.
While the 27 year-old diligently navigates her min wage admin assistant job, complete with steaming mugs of tea and the persistent winter chill, her friend Kelly Reed has seemingly cracked the code of endless European indulgence.
For the past three months, Kelly’s Instagram feed has been a visual symphony of cobblestone streets, gelato-stained smiles, and dreamy sunsets, much to Shanya’s bewilderment.
Sam Uffindell Now Allegedly Buying Family Groceries Online
MODERN CONVENIENCE.
Following recent controversy over comments he made about his supermarket habits, Tauranga MP Sam Uffindell is reportedly embracing the convenience of online grocery shopping.
Uffindell, who faced criticism for remarks that were perceived as sexist, seems to have shifted his approach by trying out the New World online shopping app.
In response to the backlash, Uffindell is expressing admiration for how easy it is to use the app, claiming it will allow him to avoid public scrutiny while still engaging in everyday tasks.
WOAP TIME: Like Clockwork, Wellingtonians Once Again Become Laser-Focused On Eating Burgers
WHAT BURGERS ARE ON YOUR LIST?
The annual “Wellington on a Plate” festival has once again ignited the passions of middle to high income Wellingtonians, giving them the excuse they were looking for to eat a shameful number of burgers.
As the city’s bars and restaurants unveil their specially crafted “woap” burgers, along with the standard avalanche of social media promo content, it’s fair to say Wellington’s cashed up laptop class are positively fizzing.
“Chippy Taxkins” Nickname Not Really Rolling Off The Tongue Like “Taxinda” Did
NOT THE SAME.
Following the trend set by the nickname “Taxinda” for former Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern, a local nickname aficionado has attempted to coin a similar moniker for current Prime Minister Chris Hipkins. However, the results have been less than stellar.
Meet Nick Namar, a 30-year-old Christchurch resident with a knack for turning political figures’ names into catchy, and often satirical, nicknames. His latest endeavour attempts to once again highlight Labour’s traditional love of tax.
Warriors Social Media Manager Enjoying Job This Year
UP THE WAHS.
The social media manager for the New Zealand Warriors team has found themselves in a state of euphoria in 2023.
That’s because the One NZ Warriors have been consistently winning rugby league matches, making it extremely easy for the team’s social media manager to relay messages about the team’s progress to their beloved followers on social media.
With the Warriors currently sitting third on the NRL ladder and looking almost certain to make the playoffs, it’s made Kara Bennett’s job a lot easier in 2023.
Palmy Mum Reminds Spanish Women’s Team That Only Boring People Get Bored
MINDSET.
Two weeks after leaving Palmerston North, citing boredom, the Spanish women’s football team has received some sage advice from local resident, Kelly Warburn.
“Only boring people get bored,” declared Warburn, a 50-year-old mother of three, as she sipped her cup of tea in her cozy Palmy living room.
“I’ve been telling my kids this for years, and it applies to anyone. If you’re truly interesting and full of life, you can find excitement in even the most uneventful places.”
