ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National
SOS!
We at the Whakataki Times have made a desperate plea to former TV3 Political Editor Tova O’Brien, to come onboard and overhaul our political reporting department. This comes after an independent report into our operations rated our general attitude as “completely disengaged politically”.
Upon hearing that O’Brien is very available for work, we put an offer directly to the veteran reporter.
‘Dear Tova,
My name is Rosemary Abbott and on behalf of the Whakataki Times, I would love to offer you the opportunity to lend your vast media experience to New Zealand’s newest news platform.
Your impressive experience in the political arena would make you a massive asset to our team, as we continue our currently futile struggle to be New Zealand’s most trusted newspaper.
While our current strengths lie in hard-hitting local news reports, such as “Four-year-old Loses All Trust In Father After Being Pinched By Bicycle Helmet Click Buckle”, our political knowledge is frankly non-existent.
You would only have to take one look at our website to see that the “Politics” section is completely bloody empty.
Your political knowledge would be worth its weight in gold, but it would pale in comparison to the professionalism you could bring to our low-level operation. We’ve seen modest growth, but that’s in spite of us damaging our own readership by making very avoidable errors, including running the headline ‘One-armed Man Applauds The Kindness Of Strangers’. It’s these types of mistakes, along with a hopelessly incompetent IT department, that are holding us back from our goals.
We’ve had a request from former politician Jami-Lee Ross to interview him on Monday, but we were wondering if you could maybe handle that for us? We don’t mean to throw you in the deep end too early though!
The team at the Whakataki Times is looking forward to meeting you and we hope you will enjoy the idyllic scenery within the Whakataki township.
There will be no contract to sign, all payments in cash, and just a verbal yes is all we need to get started.
Kind regards,
Rosemary Abbott & Gordon Lightfoot.
More to come.
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