JUSTICE SHAKEUP: Guilty Criminals Could Soon Be Sentenced To Running It Straight At Warriors Training
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Crime TOUGH LOVE Prime Minister Chris Luxon has unveiled a new justice reform plan that could see convicted offenders sentenced to help train with the New Zealand Warriors. Specifically, they’ll be required to “run it straight” at the team during grueling training sessions. “New Zealanders are tired of crime, and they’re tired […]
DEDICATED: Local Man’s New Year Fitness Habits Still Going Strong After A Full Two Weeks
FOR THE LONG HAUL.
Caleb Rowling, a 28 year old data analyst, hit a major milestone in his quest for self-improvement this week – reaching week 3 of going to the gym without dramatically chucking it all in.
USA TIKTOK BAN: American Woman On Lookout For New Way To Delete Hours Of Her Life Each Day
TOO MANY HOURS IN A DAY.
Krystal McKinskey, a 25 year old from New Jersey, is taking practical steps to counter the looming “Tiktok ban” in the United States.
“It’s Not About Catching Fish,” Lies Bloke Who Hasn’t Caught Anything In Six Years
DROUGHT ON THE OCEAN.
Billy Williams, 33, once again came back from a fishing trip without any actual fish.
Pak n Save Shopper Uses Shopping Basket Instead Of Own Bag So She Doesn’t Look Like She’s Stealing
KEEPING UP APPEARANCES.
A 40 year old woman from central Auckland turned heads today, as she opted for a shopping basket to carry her groceries as she selected them at Royal Oak Pak n Save.
BLACK CLASH BACKLASH: Millennial Calls For More Young People To Start Being Annoyed By The ACC Commentary
URGH SPORTSBALL.
With the Rugby vs Cricket T20 match just around the corner, social activist Ruby Galbraith is calling on people within her echo chamber to get annoyed about it.
“Pak n Save Keeps Prices Low But You Still Have To Pay Them!” Says Stickman To Golriz
EXTRA LOW DEALS.
Stickman, the national spokesman for Pak n Save, has said “enough is enough” after news broke that non-MP Golriz Ghahraman is now being investigated for shoplifting at their Royal Oak supermarket.
Cat Owner Who Got Scratched Suspects Cat To Be Far Right Extremist
NOTHING ELSE EXPLAINS THIS BEHAVIOUR.
A 9-year-old British Shorthair was found guilty today of scratching his owner’s arm, in an incident which is being treated as an instance of far-right terrorism.
Man Working From Home Has Serenity Derailed By Neighbour’s Relentless Two Hour Leaf Blowing Session
NOISE POLLUTION.
Dave Wilkes, 32, a public servant working for the Department of Conservation in Wellington, had high hopes for a productive day working from home.
Friend Accused Of Faking Run As No Strava Post Was Made to Back Up Claim
“SO YOU JUST RAN? FOR NO ONE TO SEE?”
24-year-old Kelly Hayes found herself accused of some sort of social crime today.
