A-League Bosses Calmly Explain To Referees That What Auckland FC Are Doing Is Unacceptable
BAD FOR THE GAME.
The referees that officiate A-League football matches were hauled into an impromptu meeting this morning, after the newly-established New Zealand club, Auckland FC won their sixth match of the season – which is all of their matches.
Wellingtonian Shares His Spotify Wrapped Which Is Filled With Artists You’ve Never Heard Of
MAKING A POINT.
Alex Devlin, 27 from Wellington, took to social media today to proudly share his Spotify Wrapped results, which showcased a meticulously curated lineup of artists no one else seems to know.
TVNZ Certain That Cutting Popular Presenters Will Make People Want To Watch TV Again
ROAD TO RUIN.
The brains trust at TVNZ have once again made the opposite of a good decision.
Auckland FC Management Predicts First Loss Will Cause 75% Of Fans To Instantly Evaporate
THE AUCKLAND WAY.
As Auckland FC continue their dream run in their first season of the A-League, Chairman Bill Foley is preparing for the absolute worst and most likely scenario.
Government Proposes Ban On People Posting Unwatchable Festival Footage To Instagram Stories
WE GET IT, YOU’RE THERE.
The National government has announced its intention to extend the controversial ban on gang patches to tackle another societal menace: Instagram stories flooded with festival footage.
Drunk Woman In Town Becomes Best Friends With Toilet Stranger
BATHROOM BONDS.
Millie Inglis, 27, found herself in an all too familiar last night: waiting in line at the women’s bathroom at Fat Eddie’s Bar in Christchurch, desperately trying to hold it together after a few too many at the bar.
“Man That Smells Good” – Local Man Cooks Onions And Accepts Outsized Compliments On Cooking Ability
LIVING A LIE.
Matt Smyth, 34, had previously avoided all responsibility at shared gatherings for years at his flat. But on Saturday night, at his flatmate Sarah’s birthday barbecue, everything changed.
Women Of Wellington Devastated To Find Out David Seymour Is Off The Market
HEARTBREAK KID.
The progressive-minded women of Wellington were blindsided this morning with the news that ACT party leader David Seymour has had a secret girlfriend for the last two years.
IShowSpeed Snubs Prime Minister By Doing Backflip Over Him
THE LUXON LEAP
IShowSpeed has taken New Zealand by storm this week in a whirlwind tour that has left Kiwis both baffled and bemused.
RAZOR’S WISHLIST: Scott Robertson Asks Santa For Enough Japanese Yen To Buy Back Richie Mo’unga
SLEIGH FULL OF YEN.
All Blacks coach Scott “Razor” Robertson was spotted perched on Santa’s knee at Christchurch’s Northlands Mall today, clutching a handwritten wishlist. Top of the list: “Enough Japanese yen to buy Richie Mo’unga back.”
