MAXIMUM CRINGE: New Zealand Distancing Itself From TVNZ Breakfast After Trump Doll Video Resurfaces
WOW..
Following the recent assassination attempt on former president Donald Trump, a 2023 video from TVNZ Breakfast has resurfaced, embarrassing the small country of five million.
Biden Somehow Still Seems To Be The Presidential Candidate Closest To Death
NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN.
Despite the assassination attempt on Donald Trump at a Republican rally in Pennsylvania earlier today, US President Joe Biden still appears to be the one more likely to die on any given day.
Biden Says It Was A Pleasure To Meet With John Key At NATO
“JOHN MY OLD FRIEND”
President Joe Biden has added another memorable gaffe to his repertoire, this time involving former NZ Prime Minister John Key.
Luxon Misses Out On Meeting With Biden Due To Clash With His Nap Time
TIGHT SCHEDULE.
New Zealand Prime Minister Christopher Luxon was all geared up to meet with the US President this week, as he travelled to Washington DC for the NATO summit.
Local Woman Not Fussed About New Shot Clock Display As Long As Her Damian Keeps Smiling
JUST SO CUTE!
New Zealand Rugby confirmed today that a shot clock for goal-kicking would be displayed clearly for players from now on, so goal-kickers will know exactly how long they have, without having to rely on signals from the referee.
Swarbrick Relieved Latest Greens Scandal Is About Someone Nobody’s Ever Heard Of
SILVER LININGS.
Greens co-leader Chloe Swarbrick is looking on the bright side today, as she announced another of her Green MPs has resigned.
All Blacks Fan Reports Feelings Of Anger Every Time Damian McKenzie Smiles At The Goalposts
STOP SMILING AND KICK IT.
Retired All Blacks fan Brian Morris has always been annoyed by first five eighth Damian McKenzie’s goal kicking ritual.
Razor Promises He Didn’t Just Select TJ To Make The Haka Look Decent
PRE-MATCH MANA.
All Blacks coach Scott “Razor” Robertson has slapped down rumours circulating through the media today.
Razor Makes Himself Unavailable For Olympic Selection
PRIORITIES.
All Blacks coach Scott “Razor” Robertson announced today that he would not be vying for selection in New Zealand’s breaking team this year, despite being one of the highest profile breakdancers this country has to offer.
REPORT: 90% Of Kiwis Agree That Winter Can Go Away Now
THAT’S ENOUGH FROM YOU.
In a poll conducted this week asking kiwis what they thought about winter this year, 910 out of a thousand said it can “go away” to varying degrees.
