Woman Shows She’s Down To Earth By Starting Group Email With “Hey Guys”
RELATABLE.
A new senior manager at the Ministry of Business, Innovation and Employment has sent shockwaves through the department with a brash opening to her first group email.
In contrast to modern email etiquette, recently appointed Director of Policy and Partnerships Molly Franklin started her introductory email to her team with “Hey guys”.
Franklin says she thought long and hard about opting for a safer, less gendered term such as “team” or even “whanau”, but opted for a more collegial tone.
Reserve Bank Governor Insists He Was Just Kidding When He Said Inflation Was Under Control
LOL JK.
Reserve Bank Governor Adrian Orr says New Zealanders have no sense of humour after coming under fire as the cost of living continues to rise.
In an announcement on Thursday, Orr proudly confirmed New Zealand’s economy was up 0.9%, ending fears of a recession.
In May, Orr suggested inflation was under control, and he didn’t expect to see the Official Cash Rate rise further than where it was, at 5.5%.
TOUGH ON CRIME: National Leader Announces Funding For 2000 New Speedo Cops
CALL IT IN.
National Party Leader Christopher Luxon made a splash at the TVNZ Leaders Debate last night, announcing 2000 new “speedo cops” to crack down on New Zealand’s crime problem.
While most kiwis are concerned about violent crime and retail theft of small businesses, it is easy to forget about those gateway offences, like graffiti and road cone disruption. “That’s where the speedo cop division can make a real difference”, said Luxon.
The debate, which was enthralling television that will definitely save TVNZ from eventual collapse, skipped over the key funding announcement.
Polling Shows Surge In Support For Shaun Johnson As Preferred Prime Minister
MAN OF THE PEOPLE.
A recent political poll has revealed a huge surge in support for Warriors playmaker Shaun Johnson, who is now among some of the top people as preferred Prime Minister of New Zealand.
The 33 year-old who is in the middle of one of the Warriors best ever NRL campaigns has popped up in the rankings, leaving both Christopher Luxon and Chris Hipkins scratching their heads.
Johnson, while a good sidestepper, likely wouldn’t be the type of person who would sidestep questions about the economy. In fact the likely Dally M medal winner for the best player in the NRL, is likely just doing what many politicians don’t, and that’s resonate with everyday New Zealanders.
Wellington City Council Finally Comes Up With Slogan That Resonates With People
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture MAKE IT PERMANENT The Wellington City Council has unveiled a brand-new sign that they believe will finally resonate with the people, replacing the iconic “Wellington” sign on the hills of Miramar with a bold tribute to the ever-popular New Zealand Warriors: “Up the Wahs.” The decision to replace the infamous “Wellington” […]
Man Begins Therapy To Address Childhood Trauma Of Christian Cullen Being Dropped
UNRESOLVED ISSUES.
30-year-old Jacob Hall is getting psychiatric help after twenty years of not being able to process John Mitchell dropping Christian Cullen from the All Blacks in 2003.
This was despite Cullen being in excellent form in Super 12 and being the All Blacks’ record try scorer at the time. Despite the cries for his inclusion in the side, the ABs then went on to get knocked out of the Rugby World Cup by the Wallabies later that year.
With the World Cup rolling around again in 2023, Jacob’s suppressed memories have come back to haunt him once again.
Local Bloke Confirms He Didn’t Just Imagine Ardie Wearing Those Goggles That Time
DEFINITELY HAPPENED.
A Napier man was relieved to find out this morning that he didn’t just imagine Ardie Savea wearing those goggles that one time during the 2019 Rugby World Cup.
Jordan McDonald, 30, has finally put to rest a nagging doubt that has plagued him for almost four years.
McDonald woke up today and was suddenly struck once again by an inner vision of Ardie Savea, lining up for the All Blacks wearing a pair of what looked like black, oversized scuba goggles.
Local Man With Bluetooth Speaker Confidently Predicts Everyone’s Loving His Music
UNFLAPPABLE.
A local man was seen strutting down Courtenay Place today with a Bluetooth speaker blaring what he confidently claimed to be “some hot shit that’s the future,” leaving bystanders amused, puzzled and annoyed.
Witnesses reported that the man, identified only as “Rex”, appeared to be under the impression that his choice of music was universally beloved by all who had the privilege of hearing it.
Dressed all in red and enjoying one of those rare but unbeatable sunny Wellington days, Rex’s aura of musical omnipotence was undeniable.
Christ’s College Student Googles “Cost Of Living Crisis Definition”
RESEARCH PROJECT.
Christ’s College student Jayden Dickson is still struggling to grasp the much talked about “Cost Of Living Crisis”
The 16 year-old who attends the prestigious Christ’s College private school in Christchurch is finding it hard to comprehend the dire financial situation faced by many New Zealanders and turned to Google to get a handle on its definition.
“This ‘cost of living crisis’ has been making headlines on the news for years in New Zealand, but I literally have no idea what anyone is talking about. You don’t hear it much around these school grounds,” Dickson said, fully unaware most Kiwis are struggling with rising prices in housing, fuel, and groceries.
Smug Millennial Eagerly Asks “How Was All The Sportsball Over The Weekend?”
COULDN’T WAIT.
Wellington based millennial and active opponent of all things sporting, Ruby Galbraith basically ran into the office this morning.
The 29 year old was completely across the two main sporting results of the weekend, knowing that both the All Blacks and the Warriors had suffered disappointing losses in important matches.
Casually bumping into Sam Ellison and Josh Orr in the kitchen making coffee, Galbraith innocently asked them “Hey guys, how was all the sportsball over the weekend?”.
