Smug Millennial Eagerly Asks “How Was All The Sportsball Over The Weekend?”
COULDN’T WAIT.
Wellington based millennial and active opponent of all things sporting, Ruby Galbraith basically ran into the office this morning.
The 29 year old was completely across the two main sporting results of the weekend, knowing that both the All Blacks and the Warriors had suffered disappointing losses in important matches.
Casually bumping into Sam Ellison and Josh Orr in the kitchen making coffee, Galbraith innocently asked them “Hey guys, how was all the sportsball over the weekend?”.
DIDN’T HAPPEN: Kiwis Immediately Turn Their Focus To Warriors Playoff Game
UP THE WAHS.
After absolutely nothing happening at all this morning, New Zealanders are now turning their focus towards the Warriors, who have their playoff match against Penrith tonight.
This morning was most notable for its uneventfulness, and definitely did not see the All Blacks lose their first ever pool match in their Rugby World Cup history. Kiwis have nonetheless decided to move on as quickly as they can because there’s a chance later this evening that they’ll have something to cheer about.
Mark, a passionate rugby fan who is totally fine, is looking forward to the ‘rugba league’ this evening, despite traditionally not taking much interest in the sport.
Unplanned Hangover Fails To Stop Man From Getting Up For The All Blacks
CALL OF DUTY.
Kane Whitty defied the forces of the external world and a pounding headache to get himself up for the opening game of the Rugby World Cup this morning.
With the All Blacks scheduled to kick off their campaign against the host nation France at 7:15am, the 29 year-old from Christchurch managed to deny himself a much needed Saturday morning sleep in after a night of too many over-priced craft beers.
“Morning guys. Hey, at least I’m up in time for the haka. Can’t miss that!” Whitty said in a slurred voice, still likely pissed from a few hours ago, but had somehow managed to haul out his All Blacks jersey.
Local Man’s Brow Remains Furrowed Nearly Two Weeks Since All Blacks Loss
BITTER PILL.
In a quiet corner of Timaru, the furrowed brow of a 53-year-old man remains a constant reminder of a painful moment for rugby-watching New Zealand.
Since the All Blacks’ shock 35-7 loss to South Africa in Twickenham nearly two weeks ago, Peter Wilson has been personally tormented, his worry spiralling ahead of the All Blacks’ World Cup opener against France tomorrow morning. .
“That was hard to watch,” said Wilson, his voice laden with disappointment. “It’s been over a week, but my brow seems to be permanently stuck in this furrowed position.
Man Screaming At Wellington Bus Driver Wants To Know Why There’s Such A Staff Shortage
JOBS GALORE.
A local man was seen berating a Wellington bus driver today, angrily demanding to know why there’s such a shortage of bus drivers in the city.
At the time of writing it was not clear that the aggravated commuter sensed any irony in what he was saying or doing.
The man’s tirade included gems like, “Why can’t you people find enough drivers?” and “This is ridiculous, I pay my taxes, for f’s sake, f’ing useless!
Man Still Haunted By 2007 Quarter-Final
GREY DAY.
As the Rugby World Cup draws near, Christchurch man Mark Simmons finds himself growing increasingly uneasy with the looming prospect of the All Blacks’ opening pool game against the host nation, France.
Despite being a devoted supporter of the All Blacks since birth, the 34-year-old remains haunted by the infamous quarter-final defeat suffered by the All Blacks at the 2007 Rugby World Cup at the hands of the French, even though the team has clinched two world cups since.
Punk Rock Revival Underway With Crunchy New Album From The Chrises
ALBUM REVIEW: “Mostly The Same” by The Chrises.
Punk rock has always been a genre known for its rebellious spirit, but The Chrises, an unlikely duo consisting of New Zealand Prime Minister Chris Hipkins and National Party Leader Chris Luxon, have taken that spirit to a whole new level with their debut album, “Mostly The Same.”
From the moment you press play, it’s clear that The Chrises are unapologetically challenging the status quo of punk rock. The album kicks off with the blistering track “Political Mayhem,” which is a raw and aggressive commentary on the chaotic world of politics. Hipkins and Luxon’s contrasting vocal styles add a unique dynamic to the song, with Hipkins delivering rapid-fire verses while Luxon provides powerful, anthemic choruses.
FATHER’S DAY CONTENT: Local Dad Makes Annual Appearance On Daughter’s Instagram
STAR OF THE SHOW.
Sophie Wilkes, 25, took a break from her usual Instagram routine of bikini-clad beach photos and travel adventures to post a heartwarming Father’s Day tribute.
Once a year Sophie sacrifices a moment of her Instagram spotlight for none other than her Dad, Frank, a middle-aged man who spends most of his days at the office or tending to his garden.
It’s the one day of the year where the 25 -year-old from Christchurch decides to acknowledge the man who brought her into the world.
Bloke Preemptively Sends Reassuring Text To Missus Ahead Of Boys Weekend
SAYS HE’LL TAKE IT EASY.
Matt Holland believes he has put himself ahead of the game this weekend, after sending his girlfriend Ellie a text message with the skill of a seasoned diplomat.
The 31 year-old from Christchurch had only hours ago landed in Auckland ahead of a boys weekend with his good mates Braden and Dan, but had not yet heard from Ellie.
“If I leave it any longer, I’ll get a text like ‘Hi Matt, hope you boys have fun! Please take it easy will you?’, which will annoy me,” he said shrewdly.
SPRING TIME: Warmer Weather Leads To After-Work Beer Proposal Gathering Momentum
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture FULL STEAM AHEAD Kori Lee couldn’t hide his smile as the warm sun shone through his office window in Christchurch this afternoon. The 29-year-old, typically stuck in his cubicle, felt uplifted after his friend Ben responded to his earlier text suggesting a post-work beer with a simple “You keen?” ” Yeah […]
