Smug Millennial Derails Enjoyable Discussion About Super Rugby By Saying “Oh Are We Talking About Sportsball?”
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture “I DON’T GET WHY PEOPLE CARE” Sam Ellison and Josh Orr could not have been doing anything more normal this morning, discussing the latest Super Rugby results from over the weekend at their Wellington accounting firm. ‘What did you make of the Canes beating the Crusaders? The champions are looking a […]
Dad Visiting Daughter Instinctively Asks When She Last Checked Her Oil
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Local DON’T WANT TO GET CAUGHT OUT 55 year old Graham Dolden will never stop doling out the fatherly advice, no matter how unwelcome it is. No one knows this better than daughter Megan, who has just been flattened by Dolden’s latest query about when she last checked the oil in her […]
RADIO SILENCE: Shaun Johnson Checks In On Critics To See If They’re Okay
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport HASN’T HEARD FROM THEM Warriors playmaker Shaun Johnson is a caring man. After tearing the Wayne Bennett coached Redcliffe Dolphins apart in a 30-8 victory at Mount Smart, Johnson worried that something horrible may have happened to a few certain journalists and keyboard warriors, all of whom had gone mysteriously quiet. […]
Man Impresses Nobody After Taking To Social Media With His Latest 5k Time
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport THE PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW Joel Price is often seen in the mornings pounding the pavements of Christchurch. The 27 year-old regularly tracks his times using a running app, so naturally all he can think about is the moment when he can share them on Facebook and Instagram. Making sure his […]
Man Who Never Takes Showers Thriving Amid Cost Of Living Crisis
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National FINDING MONEY IN WEIRD PLACES Stuart “Stinky” Stevenson may have unwittingly discovered the best way to save money in today’s economic climate (and some say it’s even better than our government’s savings tips in their “Finding money in weird places” campaign). While the campaign suggests people shorten their showers to save […]
Kiwi Bloke Who Has Visited Sydney Once Gets Disproportionately Charged Up About NSW Origin Team
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport BLEEDS BLUE Brad Fairbrother pulled on his New South Wales Origin jersey like he was a Sydneysider living on Bondi Beach this evening. But in reality, Brad is just a 29-year-old builder from Christchurch who for some reason displays an unwavering love for NSW every time the State of Origin series […]
Wellington Eco-Warrior Obsessed With Emissions Happily Blows Nicotine Vape Clouds Into Atmosphere
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture TOUCHY SUBJECT Amelia Hipkins, a self proclaimed eco-warrior, has always preached the importance of sustainable living to anyone she meets. However for the 26 year-old Massey University design student, there is one habit she can’t kick – and that’s vaping. With every puff Hipkins takes, she unknowingly releases nicotine, heavy metals […]
Diocesan School Girl Fascinated By The Concept Of A Household Budget
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture INTO THE UNKNOWN Hannah Spratt has often been top of her class in fifth form economics at Diocesan School for Girls. However the 16 year-old, who attends the private Auckland girls school at $26,335 a year, was caught off guard when her economics teacher introduced the concept of a ‘household budget’. […]
Ram Raider Pulls Over For Police Car Instead Of Thinking He Was Playing Grand Theft Auto
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National CHANGE OF HEART Auckland based ram raider Jayden Giles has miraculously avoided injury by coming to the curious realisation that reality is different from video games. After he and three accomplices smashed and grabbed $300 worth of vape products from a local corner store, Giles suddenly spotted a police car in […]
Woman Flips The Script On Relationship Status By Debuting New Boyfriend On Instagram
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture MAKING IT OFFICIAL Emma Harrison made a huge power play on Instagram today. The 26 year-old had been dating casually over the past few years, while still appearing single on her social media, but decided that now was the time to introduce her new boyfriend Jake to the virtual world. After […]
