Kiwi Touring Overseas Goes Full Week Without Being Asked About Lord Of The Rings
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | World YOU SHALL NOT ASK Hannah Smith, 26, has been enjoying her OE for the best part of a year now, but had been growing tired of the constant barrage of questions about her home country being the movie set of Lord of The Rings. The Peter Jackson directed trilogy, which was […]
REVEALED: Scribe’s “Not Many” Inspired By Forks Going Missing In The Break Room
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture HOW MANY FORKS YOU KNOW? In a stunning revelation kiwi rapper Scribe has said that his hit song “Not Many” is actually about the constant mysterious disappearance of forks in workplace break rooms. The lyric “Not many, if any”, was originally Christchurch rapper’s response to a workmate asking how many forks […]
King’s College Student Intrigued By The Idea That There’s a “Cost” Of Living
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture BAFFLING STUFF Jeffrey Richards, 16, almost took home a valuable lesson from his economics class at King’s College today. Richards, who attends the prestigious college at around $28,000 a year, was completely taken aback when his teacher explained how once they finish at King’s they would have to get a job […]
Local Bloke Refers Back To Shihad Song To Calculate Daylight Saving Changes
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture PUT YOUR CLOCK BACK, FOR THE WINTER James Geldin, a 33 year old welder from New Plymouth, rose this morning with a funny feeling that something was off about the time, and his corresponding energy levels. After around 5-10 seconds of blurry-eyed confusion, the man suddenly remembered that last night was […]
Local Bloke Still Adjusting To The Idea Of Taking The Blues Seriously
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport INTERESTING TIMES Dave Parkes, a longtime supporter of The Blues, has struggled to accept that the team he’s supported since a child, has now been consistently doing well over the past few seasons. After years of disappointment since their 2003 Super 12 title, the 32 year-old has been sceptical every time […]
ONE TEAM: Office Staff Bond Over Shared Hatred For The Company
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture CULTURE FROM THE BOTTOM UP At the end of yet another shit house week at Wellington’s “A Plus Accounting”, a select group of staff were positively charged up for a drink or four after work. They reached Wellington’s Meow bar at the early time of 4.32, for their regular Friday attempt […]
STU’S LEAVING GIFT: Stuart Nash Gifted Limited Edition Copy Of The Cabinet Manual
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics “OOH I HAVEN’T READ THAT ONE” In a symbolic send-off as he leaves his ministerial portfolios for good, Labour MP Stuart Nash was given a hardcover edition of the cabinet manual, personally signed by the Prime Minister. Along with the present he received this afternoon, he got a large card full […]
Rugby Coach Detects Rain And Instantly Messages His Soft Players To Say Training’s Still On
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport NO EXCUSES Rugby coach Craig Saunders knew that as soon as the skies turned grey and a drop of rain fell, that he’d be inundated with texts from a particular group of players in his rugby team. Saunders, who is coach for the Old Boys University Senior B team in Wellington, […]
Magical Motorbike Makes Greens Co-Leader Spout A Bunch Of Small-Minded Nonsense
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics IT’S A KIND OF MAGIC After being horrifically hit by a motorcyclist that failed to stop at a pedestrian crossing in the weekend, Greens co-leader Marama Davidson was understandably shaken. Something strange happened when that motorcycle collided with her however. The normally controlled member of parliament was apparently turned into a […]
WELLINGTONIANS AGREE: The Wind Is Less Hated Than The Bucket Fountain
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture WIND OVER WATER In a turn of events, Wellingtonians have unanimously agreed that the city’s notorious wind, long considered one of the biggest annoyances in the capital, is actually less hated than Cuba Street’s infamous Bucket Fountain. The Bucket Fountain is a public art installation in Cuba Mall, which features buckets […]