Car-Selling Expert Tory Whanau Rumoured To Replace Tina From Turners
TORY FROM TURNERS.
Instead of copping more flak over her recent media missteps, Wellington Mayor Tory Whanau has had some surprisingly good news – she’s reportedly in the running to replace Tina from Turners, New Zealand’s beloved spokesperson for Turners Car Auctions.
REMINDER: The United States President Until January Is Actually Still Joe Biden
COME ON, MAN!
In a shock announcement yesterday, the International Political Institute of Palmerston North (IPIPN), issued a reminder to the world that Joe Biden, the United States President who has not been seen for several weeks, is in fact still the President.
Local Man Definitely Going To Start Paying For TVNZ Content That’s Currently Free
WHAT COST OF LIVING CRISIS?
Logan Durran, a 29 year old customer service operator from New Plymouth, is a regular user of TVNZ+, a free streaming app he uses for light entertainment.
Raygun Writing 10,000 Word Essay About Why She Deserved More Than Zero Points
HITTING THE BOOKS.
After going viral with her polarising breaking routine at the Paris Olympics, B-girl Raygun has returned to what she does best – writing convoluted academic essays about urban culture.
Wellington Woman Sets LinkedIn On Fire With Post About Work Life Balance
GROUNDBREAKING.
43 year old recruitment manager Michelle Williamson’s LinkedIn account has been popping off this week, with likes and comments rolling in thick and fast.
Local Man Hastily Points Out That His Run Down Car Will “Get You From A To B”
DOES THE JOB.
In a world where most people complain about their old vehicles, a 29-year-old Palmerston North man is reminding us that sometimes, all you need is a little optimism and a reliable old car to get by.
Jake Anderson is a concreter with a heart full of positivity and a car that’s seen better days. While most people his age are dreaming of shiny new rides, Jake passionately defends his trusty ‘98 Corolla.
“Hey, it gets me from A to B though doesn’t it”, he said confidently.
Consultant On $6k A Week Really Sad About All The Work He Put Into The Whole RNZ/TVNZ Thing
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics WHAT A SHAME Senior Business Analyst Tim Carson has done well to hide his disappointment in recent weeks. The consultant advising the government and billing at $150 an hour was clearly mortified that all the work he has put into the RNZ / TVNZ merger has been for nothing. The merger […]
Scott Robertson Only Five More Super Rugby Titles Away From Being Considered For All Blacks Job
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport GETTING CLOSER! Scott ‘Razor’ Robertson is now as close as he’s ever been to becoming All Blacks head coach. That’s after the New Zealand Rugby Union revealed to the Crusaders supercoach that they may consider him as a potential candidate for the top job, if he simply wins another five straight […]
Rising Cost Of Petrol Certain To Force Dan Carter Out Of Retirement
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport IN THE SAME BOAT! Daniel Carter, considered one of the greatest players in rugby history, is rumoured to be rejoining the workforce as a professional player due the soaring cost of petrol. The Whakataki Times spoke to witnesses who saw the former All Black’s perplexed look as he glanced up at […]
Summer Interns at Wellington Law Firm Thrilled To Report Zero Sexual Harassment
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National MODERN DAY MIRACLE! Three Victoria University law students have have miraculously made it through their summer internship at Randall-McClay without having to report any sexual misconduct during their three month stay. Ellie Williamson, Genevieve Cook and Ruby Lewis, all 20, were stoked to not have had to put up with a […]
