Warriors Fan Living In Constant Fear That Season Will Crumble At Any Moment
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport TREADING ON EGGSHELLS Jason McHardy loves nothing more than watching his beloved One NZ Warriors, especially given the way they’re playing this year. The Warriors fourth win in five games has put them right near the top of the ladder heading into tomorrow’s away game against the Newcastle Knights, a team […]
Feijoa Season Brings About Yearly Debate Over Whether They’re Delicious Or Disgusting
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National THE FEIJOA FEUDS New Zealanders have once again been consumed by the great debate on feijoas. The seasonal fruit, which only grows for the best part of a month around late March and April, often divides Kiwis. It seems those who love them can’t get enough of them, while on the […]
Woman Who Successfully Makes Smoothie In Blender Convinced She Is Now A Nutrition Influencer
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture INSTAGRAM HEALTH GURU Sophie Williams is convinced she’s unlocked some sort of hidden secret to good health. The 27 year-old, who has no qualifications in nutrition, threw some spinach, a banana, and almond milk into her Nutribullet and pushed down to blend. After making her first smoothie, she couldn’t believe how […]
RICHIE’S 100TH GAME: One Eyed Cantab Erects Statue Of Richie Mo’unga In His Backyard
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport IMMORTALISED One-eyed Cantabrian Craig Chamberlain has taken his admiration for Crusaders first-five Richie Mo’unga to a somewhat creepy new level. Ahead of Mo’unga’s 100th match for the franchise tonight, the 56 year-old has commemorated the occasion by erecting a statue of the Crusaders legend in his backyard in the Christchurch suburb […]
Consultant On $6k A Week Really Sad About All The Work He Put Into The Whole RNZ/TVNZ Thing
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics WHAT A SHAME Senior Business Analyst Tim Carson has done well to hide his disappointment in recent weeks. The consultant advising the government and billing at $150 an hour was clearly mortified that all the work he has put into the RNZ / TVNZ merger has been for nothing. The merger […]
Kiwi Touring Overseas Goes Full Week Without Being Asked About Lord Of The Rings
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | World YOU SHALL NOT ASK Hannah Smith, 26, has been enjoying her OE for the best part of a year now, but had been growing tired of the constant barrage of questions about her home country being the movie set of Lord of The Rings. The Peter Jackson directed trilogy, which was […]
REVEALED: Scribe’s “Not Many” Inspired By Forks Going Missing In The Break Room
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture HOW MANY FORKS YOU KNOW? In a stunning revelation kiwi rapper Scribe has said that his hit song “Not Many” is actually about the constant mysterious disappearance of forks in workplace break rooms. The lyric “Not many, if any”, was originally Christchurch rapper’s response to a workmate asking how many forks […]
King’s College Student Intrigued By The Idea That There’s a “Cost” Of Living
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture BAFFLING STUFF Jeffrey Richards, 16, almost took home a valuable lesson from his economics class at King’s College today. Richards, who attends the prestigious college at around $28,000 a year, was completely taken aback when his teacher explained how once they finish at King’s they would have to get a job […]
Local Bloke Refers Back To Shihad Song To Calculate Daylight Saving Changes
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture PUT YOUR CLOCK BACK, FOR THE WINTER James Geldin, a 33 year old welder from New Plymouth, rose this morning with a funny feeling that something was off about the time, and his corresponding energy levels. After around 5-10 seconds of blurry-eyed confusion, the man suddenly remembered that last night was […]
Local Bloke Still Adjusting To The Idea Of Taking The Blues Seriously
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport INTERESTING TIMES Dave Parkes, a longtime supporter of The Blues, has struggled to accept that the team he’s supported since a child, has now been consistently doing well over the past few seasons. After years of disappointment since their 2003 Super 12 title, the 32 year-old has been sceptical every time […]
