Millennial Reaches Middle Age After Finding Out Scribe’s The Crusader Is Twenty Years Old
Normally when you think of “middle age”, you think of people in their forties, fifties and early sixties. But for 32 year old Rory Ludlam, a midlife crisis could be coming for him just around the corner.
The millennial officially made his early entry into middle age this morning, when he found out that Scribe’s debut album The Crusader, will be twenty years old this year, having been released way back in October 2003.
Beauden Barrett Thrilled To Hear Random People Say What Position He Should Play
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport HOT TAKE All Blacks utility back Beauden Barrett couldn’t contain his excitement when he woke up in his Argentinian hotel room this morning. The All Blacks have their first test in the Rugby Championship against the Pumas on Sunday, which is already being billed as a crucial match. Naturally the veteran […]
Hot Girl With Good iPhone Predicts Success As Instagram Influencer
Zoe Flynn, a 22 year old Auckland woman with some modelling experience, has a business idea in mind that could be a winner.
Flynn is seriously considering entering the world of social media influencing, specifically the health and fitness niche. “There’s loads of money to be made out there, and if I don’t take it, someone else will,” said the confident go-getter.
Ordinary Woman Enjoys Rowdy Night On The Piss Because She’s Not Mayor Of Wellington
Wellington woman Cory Barlow was thanking her lucky stars on Friday night as she enjoyed more than a few wines with a friend out in public.
She wasn’t just thankful for the good times and merriment – she was also relieved that she had not previously agreed to take on a very public life as mayor of Wellington. With her anonymity, the full time recruiter was able to get very drunk in the centre of Wellington without anyone knowing who she was, or caring for that matter.
Smug Millennial Maxes Out Smugness Saying She “Can’t Understand Why People Even Like Taylor Swift”
Pink-haired millennial Ruby Galbraith has taken it upon herself to question the actions of hundreds of thousands of people who went online this week to try to secure tickets to Taylor Swift’s Australian tour next year.
The Wellington based Galbraith made it clear that she “couldn’t fathom” why anyone would be excited to see one of the most popular musicians in the world and eagerly wait to get tickets which were in extremely hot demand.
Hipkins Disappears Into Rural China To Start New Life Away From Troublesome Cabinet Ministers
Prime Minister Chris “Chippy” Hipkins was supposed to hop on a flight home to New Zealand today, after a week-long trip dedicated to maintaining our trade relationship with China. However he appears to have gone missing in the vast rural area of the country, where he is apparently starting a new life as a farm hand.
Plain Black Rugby Jersey Somehow Difficult To Design
The latest edition of the All Blacks jersey, which will be worn by the team at this year’s Rugby World Cup in France, seems to have been complicated by the designer tasked with producing the most simple of designs.
Harry And Meghan Plotting Divorce So They Can Get Some Netflix Content Out Of It
The Duke and Duchess of Sussex have been getting dragged by the media recently for their failure to deliver consumable content as part of their contracts with Netflix and Spotify. A leading executive at Spotify even went as far as labelling them “the fucking grifters”.
Chinese Foreign Minister Snubs Chippy Hipkins With Absolutely No Offer Of Sausage Rolls
Prime Minister Chippy Hipkins arrived in China early this morning to a less than warm welcome. Chinese Foreign Minister Ma Zhaoxu was all smiles when he welcomed the “ginga from the Hutt”, but did not present the visiting prime minister with anything resembling a sausage roll.
One Eyed Cantab Storms Into Tattoo Parlour To Get “Crusaders 2023 Champions” Tat
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport CRUSADE ON Craig Chamberlain has decided to immortalise the Crusaders 2023 championship on his skin, hours before the Super Rugby final has even taken place. The 56 year-old from the Christchurch suburb of Shirley has again shown unwavering faith over the past few weeks, camping out in the CBD ahead their […]
