FINALLY: Michael Wood Resigns After Being Asked For The 12th Time
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics JUST BEEN BUSY It’s been a busy few years for poor old Michael Wood. There’s been lots of important things on, and lots of little bits and pieces that tend to end up getting forgotten. That’s even when there’s been 12 reminders to do them. Last month it was revealed that […]
Paid For Office Heating Lures Fully Remote Worker Away From Cold Damp Flat
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture WORK CULTURE The leadership at Wellington marketing firm Excite have been trying for months to entice their workers back into their comfortable office environment. Since New Zealand’s laptop class now expects to be able to “work from home”, it has become nearly impossible to build any kind of company culture other […]
Shaun Stevenson Texts Ian Foster To Ask If He’s Seen Any Of His Games This Season
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport FAIR QUESTION Chiefs fullback Shaun Stevenson has sent a different type of message to All Blacks coach Ian Foster. This time the Waikato bolter chose to send a simple text instead of yet another scintillating performance on the rugby field. “Hey Ian, just checking in. Have you seen any of my […]
Blues Bandwagon Found Crashed And Burnt Out On Side Of Road
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport ABANDONED Thousands of Blues supporters who have been riding the wave of their team’s success this season, have now effectively ghosted their own beloved team. Nothing was more telling than the bandwagon with Blues logos and flags that was found abandoned and burnt out on the side of the road near […]
Embattled Radio New Zealand Takes Comfort In The Knowledge That No One’s Listening Anyway
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National LOOKING ON THE BRIGHT SIDE Taxpayer funded state broadcaster Radio New Zealand have been making headlines recently due to all sorts of problems they’ve been having with their staff. Back in March, cabinet minister Kiri Allan had a go at RNZ during a farewell for her partner Mani Dunlop, who was […]
Man Picks Rank Outsider For First Try Scorer As If He Has Some Kind Of Inside Knowledge
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport NO NEED FOR A CRYSTAL BALL Braydon Mulholland was strutting around this afternoon like he had some sort of direct line to the sports gods themselves. The 32-year-old had just placed a $10 bet on Blues prop Nepo Laulala to score first in tonight’s semi final against the Crusaders, with Laulala […]
Public Service Bureaucrat Secretly Fantasises About Being Made Redundant
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Local IMAGINE THAT Public servant Peter (not his real name) has anonymously approached the Whakataki Times with an admission that may represent a widespread feeling among our taxpayer funded government staff. He says that he has a deep, burning desire to be dramatically laid off from his job, claiming it would be […]
Kiwi Woman Sick And Tired Of Watching Friends Frolicking Around In European Summer
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture WINTER BLUES Tara McCaull has had a chip on her shoulder for quite a while this winter. It’s not that the 25-year-old hates her job as an admin assistant in Christchurch, but more the fact that her friends are frolicking around in the European summer, while she’s chained to her desk […]
Wet, Whiny Wellingtonian Whines About Being Called Wet And Whiny
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Local “AWW NO I’M NOT” Will Warburton, a student based in central Wellington, has taken issue with a statement that National leader Chris Luxon was recorded saying to some farmers in Helensville recently. Luxon claimed that New Zealand had become a “very negative, wet, whiny, inward-looking country” that had “lost the plot” […]
One Eyed Cantab Arrives Two Weeks Early To Crusaders Victory Parade
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport BLIND CONFIDENCE Craig Chamberlain, the “one-eyed Cantab” from the Christchurch suburb of Shirley, was unable to contain his anticipation today. The 56 year-old arrived in the city’s CBD eagerly awaiting his beloved Crusaders to come past on the tram with the captain holding the Super Rugby trophy. This was despite the […]
