Bleary-Eyed Local Confirms That Midweek Crafties’ll Bloody Getcha

Hungover man

GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Local “PHHHHWARRRR” Whakataki electrician Taine Gainford, 29, got the shock of his life this morning, waking up with a completely unexpected hangover.  After the local sparkie innocently drank 4-5 craft beers in a trendy bar on Wednesday night, he was taken completely by surprise by the relentless head-throbber that greeted him the […]

Wellington Man Pretends To Enjoy The Taste Of Very High Percentage Craft Beer

Ryan Anderson pretending to enjoy craft beer.

GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National Ryan Anderson put on the acting performance of his life on Sunday. The stage was set when the 31 year old freelance designer met friends for drinks at a painfully trendy bar in the Wellington suburb of Newtown. Anderson’s friend Jamie was ordering at the bar and asked him what he […]

Man Heavily Sedated After Four Beers In The Sun

Dave McMillan in a comatose state after four beers in the sun.

ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Local Dave McMillian, 44, was not under general anaesthetic for a serious medical procedure today, but to our reporters that’s exactly what it looked like.  Neighbours explained to the Whakataki Times that the financial consultant had indulged in his fourth 330mL crafty APA, just as the heat ticked over to 31 degrees […]

Wellington Local Transfers $100 From Savings Ahead Of Ordering Two Craft Beers

Man transfers $100 before buying two beers.

GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National JUST TO BE SAFE. Jacob Bentley had accepted his financial fate this afternoon as he stepped into a painfully trendy bar on Wellington’s Cuba Street. Bentley, a 31-year-old plasterer currently flatting in the Wellington suburb of Mornington, made the trip into town to catch up with an old mate.  “We hadn’t […]